Fix Yourself FIRST Before Fixing The Relationship?

how do you fix yourself first before fixing the relationship Brandon good to see youthis morning hey you too it’s good seeing you how you you too man how wasyour weekend was good you had quite the eventful weekend it sounds like I don’tknow if you want to talk about it but we uh I mean I’m happy to talk about it we just trying something different thisweekend we me and uh you know Chase Brandonwho’s you know our one of our best friends the man yeah uh and then one ofmy other therapists we got together and kind of researched some things and tried to do a a sweat lodge thisweekend and uh in the snow in the snow in Northern Utah and uh it was awesomeman we we had a really really cool really great experience so um dang yeah you neverknow what you’re going to be doing so I love it um I I got I want to hear moreabout it maybe not on the on the show here but yeah it was it was cool it was it was a really cool experience were youlike dripping sweat were you oh oh yeah oh for sure oh really yeah yeah I hope

Self-Reflection

you wore deodorant before you got in there no yeah it it was it was it wasreally cool you do that like in the buff like are you like totally naked or uh we didn’t we didn’t quite go that far havea loin cloth on or what no no we didn’t we didn’t make a mockery of anything like that no I wasn’t saying make amockery but I I’m just curious yeah no we did you know it’s I was like in a in swim trunks and uh oh okay we were wewere kind of on like a sort of like a public camp area so I don’t think youwant people running around in the buff out there and that’s really not probably what I do anyway so ohokay all right that sounds awesome though like I love you know just justlooking for uh ways to connect uh ways to connect to the Earth to God to likeit’s it it really is awesome what what you did like it’s amazing I know we’re laughing but um you know we’re alwayslooking for things that will help with healing and help with connection so whatI can tell you is is that you know I don’t know I don’t know jury still out in terms of like all the therapeuticbenefits because it took us so long to figure out and to build it and that we didn’t really get to do the full FullExperience um but I can tell you that the Brotherhood that I felt with the twoguys that were with me is stronger now and that we had a shared experience together that Drew us closer togetherand um you went through something together we were sitting there you know it’s a Sunday afternoon I just got doneteaching in my church and then went out there with those guys for it it actually turned into most of the evening becauseof how far we had to hike in the building and stuff but we were sitting around thecampfire afterwards and I was just saying to them like how amazing it is tobe here in nature next to a creek while it’s snowing with two other guys that I love and I felt like in some ways a partof me had opened back up to being like a little boy again like it was three kids out in the woods building a fort kind ofa thing MH but it had more meaning to it than that and and I said this is awesomelike why don’t we do this more often and and one of the guys I was with said yeah it’s it’s kind of weird that we think

Personal Issues

weird I said nobody else right now in Logan Utah is doing something like what we’re doing right now right and one ofthe other guys was like we are not the weird ones like it’s weird that no that a bunch of other groups of guys aren’tgetting together on a regular basis and doing meaningful things together yeah that’s a good point how isolated are weyeah our world is so different now and not all the way healthy all the time yeahyeah anyway I know I’m rambling we could go on a tangent time you get together with your boys and sweat lodge it I I II golf you know but you sweat L hey whatever works no actually I I really do want to go sweat lodge I want to trythat and and do it with you so yeah um well let’s get to our guest today soundsgood yeah we we have Anton with us all the way from Sweden which is awesome umAnton well welcome to the show thank you so much for having me here um if youcould just give give us a little bit of background and uh tell us what’s going on and we’ll go from there um so I needto basically fix myself before I can fix my uh relationship with my partnerum everything began really in October November um when I was out with the boysuh and I was looking at a beautiful woman um but when I got homeuh later that night evening you could say um my partner who through my phoneand saw um me texting to my voice um that I waslooking at another woman um so I really need to switch my thinking kind of um frommentally shating I could say to ummentally stable kind ofum that’s that’s about it could get can you give some more detail like um whenyou say um you’re looking at another woman like did you just like sit in the

Recognizing Triggers

thought for a while or like you say you were texting your friends about it yeah we were at a restaurant um andwe were waiting on our food like usual um and I was just looking around I had afriend right next to me and I had one that was in front of me um and when theguy right to me uh started to talk I looked over at him I saw a beautifulwoman sitting next to him uh on the tableover um and that’s when I noticed herit wasn’t any sexual thinking or any sexual thoughts about her it was just ohwow she’s beautiful uh she know she kindof look like my partner um brown hair um nicejawline um so but nothing sexual thoughts abouther um just the mentally looking at her wherewas that was the only thing I did I was just looking at her and I texted my body and saying that oh wow she’sbeautiful okay gotcha okay so so then that so then that

Emotional Intelligence

goes home and how long have you been with your partner when you were inOctober uh at that point we’ve been together for two yearsand 10 months I think it is uh At first sheum she did change her mind because that was the point we broke up um butthen we do live together in an apartment andum you changed your mind at first saying okay I I do apologize for my behavior uh andI’m going to give you another chance kind of um but it wasn’t officiallywe’re together again [Music] um it was more like okay we livetogether we have to go through this together um kind of situationum but then seek him home one day andjust and there was like one and a half week ago uh and she said Okay I I don’tthink I want to give you another chance uh I want to break up and never get backto you again um and sell theapartment so that was in O that was in October but then a couple weeks later it kind of became finalized couple weeksago yeah a couple weeks ago ago ago yeah okay um I I imagine you’re pretty

Self-Improvement Tips

heartbroken right now is that how you’re feeling um yeah I feel heartbroken uh Itotally am um but now when I’ve got got back towork uh and I’m going to start practicing again uh I work in constructionand I’ve been sick for a week and I just got back same with the hockey I play hockeyso I think hockey and work uh gets me like out of the situation umtype uh so that’s not when I’ve focused about the heartheartbreaking um but it’s from time time at worklike sometimes it’s okay I I do feel theheartbreaking thing now but 10 minutes later that’s just gone away and I’m justfocused at work nice it’s good you have things yeah um do you think that thebreakup and everything that’s happened with her um that it was just thatincident that caused all of this um no not particularlyum she’s she’s pretty set with some socialmedia things um just side notes I’ve been followingfriends other women on my Instagram um and she noticedthat a while back back and she didn’t like it um so I made the choice to

Growth Benefits

unfollow every single uh woman that was on my Instagram except forthe um women that sheknows um she made it pretty clear that I’m not going to like half nakedpictures of other women um so it’s it’s small stuff orsmaller things that she’s she’s getting back in her headagain um but this was kind of big stuff bigthing for her that I texted my buddy saying another girl was beautifulgotcha would it have been different Anton like um I’m wondering if you wereout in public with her and you would have seen the same and would have seen the same woman would it have been anokay conversation for both of you to be to say like oh wow that’s a beautifulwoman um no it wouldn’t not and not in her uh perspective because in her Pperspective it’s more of uh I should be the only girl inyour whole world that you are looking at except if we have a daughter or if it’s

Communication Skills

my mom my sister or any of likefriend type sure sure and I guess what that’s you’re starting to to see what I’mtrying to tease out and get out it’s like you know if I went out in public and both my wife and I saw a woman thatwas beautiful we could acknowledge that and move on that’s different than what I think she’s feeling at least which is isthat you’re not just looking at a woman going like oh yeah she’s beautiful you’re looking at a woman and then thefact that you texted your buddies afterwards sort of illustrates a different kind of energy which was likean outward looking energy of oh man almost like a almost almost like aPursuit form of energy rather than a noticing kind of anenergy let let me I mean go let me go down where Tyler’s going here too but Ijust want to ask you directly in kind of I might this might sound like a stupid question but what’s theproblem the problem is um I don’t think the problem is with me but it’smore of her uh but I need to uh learn to like just it’s only herin the world she’s the whole world kind of the the question is is if we talkabout Anton getting healthy um is Anton getting healthy mean

Setting Boundaries

that you kind of put the reins on the the the you know where you can’t seeanything or you know you’re completely focused on her and that’s it is thatAnton being healthy or is or is Anton being healthy not being codependent toher um being really honest with her being really open with her and beingreally just really authentic with who you are um I thinkthe uh I think the honest part um I think that’sthe problem you haven’t been honest with herno I don’t think so okay what would honest look like uh to be more open withher okay I think open more open to her openthere’s a difference though like I I think we got to be really careful here because yeah there’s a differencebetween I’ve got a tattletail on myself to her about all of my everything that Ithink and do and and I got to make sure that I’m I you know I’m making sure that I’m tattletail on myselfversus being an authentic person who’s like hey there’s parts of me that areabsolutely there and I’ll be open that those parts are there um and I canmanage them onto myself you know and if I don’t if I break certain lines thenyou absolutely have a right to know but um I just need you to know that these parts are absolutely there and I’m not

Seeking Help

going to disclose to you every little tiny thing that happens like that’s notthat doesn’t work for me I can let some things go and I can move on um do do you see the difference yeah I dowhat uh what Anon if you’re if you’re saying this is one of the key piecesthen is is it’s the honesty piece what uh what prevents you from that Honestyum I’ve opened myself up too much umwith my uh ex uh this was like four years ago uh I told her a story about meuh and when we broke up she used that against me saying oh you’re a horribleperson because you’ve done this and that um so I thinkthat’s one key part to why I’m not moreopened does that make sense yeah if I’m hearing you right basically there was atime fairly recently in the last few years where you were more you were open with some of your vulner informationwith different parts of yourself that felt vulnerable and it in the end it got used against you and it caused you somepain and so now in this new relationship you’ve been more guarded with with whoyou really are yeah trying to trying to protect yourself from getting rejected but then never actually really probablygetting what you’re looking for because you can’t be

Transformation Stories

yourself yeah I I wonder how safe that relationship is for you tobe you and if unless you um playalong um you’re going to get rejected do do you hear what I just saidand if ant if Anton is Anton um like you’re going to getrejected and so your heart’s breaking because you love this girl but at thesame time will you have to like fake it in order to be loved by herher that’s that’s what I wonder um because like how Anon when you werefirst attracted to girls how old how old were you like just give me a roughestimate I think it all started in puberty like 14 14 15 around that age 1415 how old are you now uh I’m 22 going to be um 23 and you met her two yearsago um in October November it will be threeyears ago three years ago so so what you’re telling me is your attraction to women started and was there long beforeyou met her yeah okay and so when you met her why didn’t you just turn thatoff why didn’t we just flip the switch and turn turn it off I did turn it offum when we started to see each other um but

Conclusion

it’s what can it be like half a year ago uh we moved in together together and soso when you when it started hang on Anton when you first started seeing heryou weren’t attracted to any other women it just was just her just 100% only heryeah yeah okay it was and so like if there was a beautiful woman or whatever you wouldn’t evennotice no no I wouldn’t okay um that’s prettyremarkable that’s like the first time I’ve ever heard that um because the the reality is he wewe get Fidelity completely wrong Fidelity is not about and and we’vetalked about this quite a bit Fidelity is not about attraction as human beings we have this innate important part of usthat is about attraction um and and it’s interesting like I think texting your buddy youprobably went too far but you’re saying it wasn’t even sexual like it wasn’t even a like she’s a beautiful woman andfor you to acknowledge that she’s a beautiful woman is not cheating on your girlfriend no but she def she sayingsays that it’s mentally cheating I didn’t do anything physical what I’msaying thoughts what I’m saying is that is not and and I know that’s triggering to Partners I know that’s hard to hearthat is not mentally cheating that is reality that is reality if you walk downthe grocery store aisle and there’s magazines and they put beautiful people all over those magazines for a reasonpeople notice those beautiful people um and that’s part of lifenow Fidelity is about being authentically you and her beingauthentically her her and knowing we’re committed to each other knowing that heywith your sexuality and with relationship what is what does it mean to be committed to each other it doesn’tmean like pretending like things aren’t going on behind the scenes um it doesn’tmean fitting into a box so that you can can protect them from their own triggersaround sexuality and Fidelity um are you following me Anton yeah I am do I sounddo I sound crazy no Brandon you speak Common SenseBrandon I think there’s some Nuance to what you’re saying though and this is important that we try to parse this out a little bit because if we’re stickingwith the idea of fidelity you know I might be geared a certain way I might have certain energies I I might havebeen attracted to girls since I was 13 and that’s never changed and of course you’re going to notice the the magazinerack or the beautiful woman at the store whatever if I understand and if I’m honest withmyself I know that I have that kind of an energy and if I choose to be in a relationship with somebody and I want tohave Fidelity in my relationship then by being honest with myself about what I’m attracted to and what my drives are Ithen might make choices that are going to help facilitate Fidelity based on the truthof how I’m how I am and what how I operate exactly and what and what you’re saying is is that we’ll either go oneway or the the other words like well it’s just me like I I’m going to go and text the boys and talk about the beautyof that woman and all the parts of her body or we’re going to go the other way and be like nope shut it down I I can’t feel anything what woman I didn’t seeany woman at all and in reality the middle ground of fidelity is hey this is me and because I know this is me I’m notgoing to follow every fitness model on Facebook U because that would be thatwould be putting me on The Fringe of of not respecting Fidelity in relationshipswhat what Anton did here it makes sense like look at his his his partnerlike that that I can see why she would feel like that would be an infringementon the possibilities of fidelity especially if he was hiding it but but what is not an infringement is I needyou to just be attracted to me like that’s a problem in the relationship that will cause problems in therelationship I actually agree with you 100% Tyler the trust in the relationshipis built by the partner knowing that you can control and handle your sexuality onyour own that’s TR that’s what trust is it’s not trust is not about complianceor like trying to fit within a box in order to make sure that your partner’s never triggered like that you will neveractually have full trust in in that system yeah in in the example examplethat Anton gives Brandon he basically went and unfriended all of the women in his social media if he chose to do thatbecause he knew in himself that he would go and start going into lust and fantasy and seeing these images and kind ofturning on those parts of himself outwardly then he was wise to go andturn that off and say you know what I’m not going to do that if he was looking around and going like uh oh is my girlfriend going to be mad at me andlike what she going to think of and then he hurried and went and turned that all off he’d be doing it from for the wrong reasonsbecause he wouldn’t be being authentic well and then she she realizes I’m with a weak man who who will just do whateverI say because of my fear because I’m around yeah versus a man that will be honest with me about like hey this onefriend like I’m just friends with her from whatever and like there’s no riskof anything there and so I’m going to leave her in my in my contacts right umand that might be uncomfortable for the partner but it some something like that would build trust um it would buildtrust if there’s also the boundaries to protect the relationship around that right Anton I want to give you a ascenario which I probably brought this up before but um It’s Kind of a Funny scenario but um I had a guy years agoand they they were I brought this up before but and and people hate this one like partners partners are triggered bythis and it’s difficult but they were on a they were on a boat there’s a girl atthe front of the boat and she was wearing these booty shorts and she was intentionally like wearing somethingsexy and like you would notice what she’s wearing right and she’s at theshe’s at the front of the boat and this guy is on there with his wife who’s verytriggered by that and so he he startsgetting anxiety because he’s like oh my gosh like everybody knows this is happening this is there he startsgetting anxiety and he goes down um to the like to to the other side of the boat and he sits and he just doesn’tlike look at it right um and and solike what happened in the end is she got extremely triggered um they were fighting anddisconnected for weeks after that um so on one hand we could say ifif we’re under a system of shame and um all those things we could say he did the rightthing right he he did he do the right thingAnton he went to the back of the boat and sat there and he was like freaking out that oh my gosh like this is GNA notbe good I don’t for me personally I don’tthink he made the right decis decision to go in the back of the boat uh II think personally he would just try tostand with his wife um around this uhgirl and just try to control his mind to okay I’m not going to look at her buthe’s kind of damned if he does and damned if he doesn’t if he just stands there and doesn’t do anything then hiswhat’s his wife going to do right if he goes to the back of the boat and he’s like quivering in anxiety bebecause of it what’s his wife going to do well you obviously notice look at you like you’re acting like a weakling onthe back of this boat right I I actually like your answer an I like I actually like your answerlike your answer yeah it’s a good answer the the point isis like his control over his sexuality and his lust is is needs to he needs toown that he need like he it has to it needs to be something completelyseparated from his partner completely so in that moment when there’s a lusttrigger in front of him what does it mean for him to be in his Integrity forhim first and foremost um that’s what’s important if his first thought is like oh my gosh Igot to car take for her he’s resonating in weakness he doesn’t know who he ishe’s just worried about her and what that will signal to her is that I’m witha man who doesn’t know himself I’m with a man who doesn’t have strength I’m witha man who doesn’t understand who he is and and and and what do you know like she will not be attracted to him withthat right do you see what I’m saying yeah I get it um could I go ahead Tylercould I just use like an analogy that was brought up by um one of the membersof my groups use this analogy so shout out to you I think it’s a brilliant analogy and it goes along with whatyou’re saying Brandon is is that my intention with what I do with my sexuality is solely in my boat and Ineed to own that and when I own that and then choose certain things that’s how it that’s how I’m going to naturally buildtrust in relationships but he said that he kind of views it like this that sexuality is actually a gift if if it’sused properly and so he likened it to gold gold coins and you wake up everymorning with a certain number of gold coins in your pocket and you get to do whatever you want with those gold coinsyou can spend it anywhere you want you can go out into the public and just kind of like throw it and you know likewhatever you want you might be out in public and you see something that maybe makes the coins jingle in your pocketfor a minute but once you recognize that there jingling there you get to decide am I going to spend my coins there or amI going to spend them where they’re going to produce something better for me and certain places that I spend the coins you might call lust I’m not reallygoing to get any any uh return on my investment it’s truly going to be aconsumptive kind of a spend so if I go out into that public place and I’m with my buddies and I’m like oh man she’s sod d d man what about this or this or this or this you’ve just spent your gold coins and you had a good time with itbut there’s nothing really to show for it at the end of the day whereas if you went out there and noticed that and the coins were jinglingbut you’re like you know what that’s not where I spend my energy because I decide to focus my energy into thisrelationship that I’m currently in and I value that I’m going to go spend my coins inside the relationship then theremight be a return on investment where there’s deeper connection closeness intimacy trust safety and you get to bethe one who decides how to spend that um the key is you being thedeciding intentional being around of this the key isn’t to kill your sexuality the key is to understandyourself and then make choices that will align inside the relationship that you want to have with somebody who also hastheir own values MH but you get the power so now you’re a powerful being who understandsyourself and makes choices rather than someone who’s running around trying to hide and not be seen because you’reafraid of getting rejected does that make senseyeah it does it makes totally sense Anton I I’m G to be a little blunt hereand this goes right with Tyler’s analogy and I want to come back to your analogy Tyler because I have something I want toask about that but um I’m going to be a little blunt you you got dumped not because of yoursexuality you got dumped because of a lack of yourmasculinity do you understand what I just said yeah I’m not trying to be mean I’m notI’m not trying to rub it in you could also Brandon incorporate in integrityand honesty into the word masculinity right well the same thing to me I mean that’s one of the same um strengthwithin yourself and knowing who you are um that’s that’s why she’s like I don’tknow if I can be in a relationship with you now I don’t know her trauma and I don’t know her past and maybe part ofher trauma and her past is all about rejection and abandonment and it’s like I can’t be in a relationship with apartner that has sexuality at all so like but that’s hers that’s her work to do and figure out you you might have nothad a chance to stay in a long-term relationship with her regardless Anton but your like what needs to beworked on is you trusting yourself you knowing yourself um that do youunderstand what I’m saying do you see the difference yeah yeah strengthum self-acceptance yeah and I’ve had a pro I’ve had a problem with h strength andum things like that before umI I did fall in a depression four yearsago uh [Music] and U my girlfriend that I’m with I I’mwith now um that I’m living with um that’s dumped me um sheactually helped me go through my depression um so she was a key thing forme to like keep my chest up my head up andjust keep going work through it I could means alot to you itdoes that’s painful like it’s it’s painful to go through things like thisand to possibly lose somebody that you love and you know what Tyler and I areare saying to you Anton like I hope you can feel from us that we we’re trying to fight for you in terms of like in termsof figuring out what’s actually needing to be worked on so that you can have arelationship with a woman that that truly does support you and and love you and maybe it’s her maybe it’s not herum so I do Tyler I want to come back to your analogy Ithink one thing that’s really important and Anton this this kind of speaks to your your question is you talk aboutTyler you talk about spending those coins I think it’s important to really understand what mean what it means whenyou actually buy so to speak when you actually spend it because in in ourworld if I have this load of coins and there’s like triggers walking past me orall around me or whatever it doesn’t mean that I gave my coin up just becausesomeone walked in front of me um right it and but when someone walks in frontof me my natural reaction might be wow like I have traction there’s a traction thereso at what point is it giving your coin up right and and that I think isimportant because a lot of times people with scrupulosity anxiety um they think that they’re justthrowing their coins at the world and it’s like dude like you’re actually like quite normal this is okay um like you’renot sinning you’re this isn’t a big deal it’s normal now but there are lines thatdo get crossed where you’re you are putting your energy and your effort intosomething that doesn’t give you much return right yeah and that and that to me is it’s the understanding insidemyself that I know I’m not going to get a return if I keep pursuing X Y or Z right so so if I’m walking around in theworld you know there’s certain things that are going to just like you say come by whether that’s coming going going ofthought or some kind of a stimulus in my in my world or whatever um that that aregetting actually remind me that I have coins in my pocket that I could spend one way of looking at it andthere’s probably a number of ways of looking at it Brandon would be that when I recognize that those coins arejingling in my pocket I am now becoming aware and that awareness then leads meto a point of choice and I can say okay I can continue to spend my energy now that I’m awareand conscious of what’s going on here and I could go and I could go into fantasy and I could pursue some kind ofscenario or I could continue to follow you know that person around the grocery store and justconsume um and creepy well yes if if I’mmaking that choice that’s me spending my coins right whereas if I go in the same scenario andI’m like oh yeah like you know whatever this this or this was attractive orinteresting or whatever else or I’m feeling that kind of like who makes that determin bu up inside me uh well ofcourse I have to become conscious of it and then make make the choice now I might un I might there is a CH time when I could unconsciously be so in the habitof just spending my money all the time that I’m never even aware that I’m not getting any return on my investmentuntil I become conscious of it in this case Anton’s in a different spot where he’s actually extremely conscious of itand now he gets a chance to choose and he probably spent some coins in an unhealthy way in a non-r return kind ofa way when he texted his buddies and was like oh hey D D D D du right like he washe was channeling his energy to a different place than maybe he would have liked to if he was wanting to putit into his relationship right right and so like that yeah with that example Anton if we look at that example it’slike seeing a woman that looks like your girlfriend what do you know you’re arousal template like you’re attractedto a woman that looks like her right like yeah so seeing a woman like that is one thing like oh wow beautiful womanthat’s right at what point does Anton step outside of his integrityand indulge further right and now there’s some hard evidence of like you text you text buddies like hey there’sthis hot girl right like so for you Anton like at what pointare you outside of your integrity when it comes to your like Fidelity and yourcommitments do you understand what I’m asking yeah I think it’s whenI’m I’m speaking my mind kind of thing uh I’m saying to my bud is what I’mthinking basically MH to you were that conscious of itright and so it’s like it was like very much there so much so that you could text and like acknowledge like hey likeand then you’re trying to share it with buddies right so it’s pretty obvious that you were fully aware of it and so Ican see I can definitely see your girlfriend’s trigger there and but but it’s not about that I could see yousaying okay like if I’m committed to a woman in a relationship I probably shouldn’t lingerthat long and go that far um but that that commitment is between you and Godthat commitment is like your integrity what is like and what does that looklike for you and I think you need to be very clear with that and also and also the payoffs or costs for those kinds ofthings too you know like yeah does it make a lot of sense like were you wereyou better off better person better man after you left the restaurant having let yourself go there and if the answer isno it’s not it’s not a shame based thing it’s not I’m a bad kind of thing bad guy kind of it’s more of like that wasn’treally effective for my overall goals kind of thing so now I’m going to choose to do something more effective because Iwant to have an effective life like but but take the shame out of it yeah andthat’s also one thing I’ve done taking the shame out of it uh because when Italked to my therapist first uh about this whole thing uh she said that uh yesyou did the wrong thing but uh all men in your age do look atwomen and it’s a normal way or normal thing to do butthen to take the step even further is to yes you texted them and she she noticedit so she said same same thing as usyeah um you know Anton we we’re running low on time and the truth is um we’ve we’vehad a great discussion today it’s been awesome um but the truth is is wehaven’t actually got down to the roots of of what’s really going on um you know when you bring up your depression whenyou bring up your um just trying to be loved by this girl like there’ssomething underneath all of this there’s some kind of trauma some kind of Shamesome kind of pain that that’s underneath all of that and um and I hope thatyou’re doing the work to actually go address those things to find some peace within your heart um outside of tryingto get it from her or other people um so you you got some work to do but the theawesome thing is is you’re open to doing that work um you’re learning you’re looking foransers um but uh there is some some um digging deeper that that needs tohappen Anton do you I guess just right now do you have any other questions orwhat are you kind of currently feeling right now with ourdiscussion I feel like it’s going to help me uh become stronger uhwhat you guys said about masculinity and strength and integrity uh I’m going toput that in my back pocket and really bring it forward to becomethe better person I am and to really learn about my mistakes that I’ve donein the relationship here mhm I like it man and I I I hope you I hear thatthere’s a heart that wants to learn and not a heart that just wants to criticize and beat yourself up um yeah man I Iwant to tell you thank you for coming to talk with us all the way across the world what a what a Tre thank for havingme here it’s a treat for us man yeah thank you for your willingness to put yourself out there um and uh and I knowthat it’s going to hit some nerves for people who are listening to this right now so thank you for your willingness tocome on and be honest about about these things because it allows everybody a chance to have their own process start to take placeyeah yeah thanks Anton and I I appreciate you coming from Sweden um Ilove hockey keep the hockey going man will that’s awesome I promise um and anddon’t be a stranger check in with us we’re here to help in any way that we can and um I will yeah until next timekeep on keeping on