How Do I Embrace My Femininity And Have Fun Doing It?

how do I embrace my femininity and have fun doing it Welcome to the Therapy Brotherspodcast I’m Brandon I’m Tyler We’re brothers We’re therapists And we knowrecovery Bring your stories your questions your successes with real[Music] recovery Hey Tyler you ready to havesome hard conversations Let’s do it Let the Therapy Brothers podcastbegin Welcome Welcome Uh thanks for listening It’s just me again today Tyleris off in Costa Rica I believe Living the good life So maybe he’s like hugginga sloth or something I don’t know what he’s doing Um sitting on the beach surfing I got to go to Costa Rica I hearit’s phenomenal down there So um good for him Uh he deserves the break and uhit’ll be good to get him back next week So he got me today And I’m going to talk about one of my favorite topics that youmight be listening thinking really do I want to listen to a man talk about femininity Um what is what does Brandon

What is healthy femininity?

have to to give when it comes to talking about embracing your femininityUm actually honestly this is um something that Iactually feel really called to and really passionateabout I think that as a on a whole um something that’smissing for all of us is is uh more femininity in the world like goodhealthy femininity and it would be good for me it’s good for my clients it’s good foreverybody if we have good femininity healthy femininityum I have worked with I don’t know how many women and I have run as manywomen’s groups as I have men’s groups and working with women in women’s groupsI love um the energy and I love uh whenwe talk about topics like the divine feminine or embracing yourfemininity And it’s interesting to me a couple of things one there aren’t greatresources out there when it comes to understanding what femininityis Um you know I think of of the masculineside of things Um there’s messages all over the place for both masculinity andfemininity but you have things like Wild at Heart in the Way of theSuperior Man Um while the heart Eldridge and his wife tried to writecaptivating which is okay um but I don’t think it it fully grasps the fullessence of of what it means to honor and embrace yourfemininity And then beyond that I would love it you guys if you have good books that uh or resources or platforms orinfluencers or whatever that actually um teach about how to embrace your yourdivine god-given beauty femininity Um please share with meI am finding more on social media um that there’s there’s some goodresources when it comes to femininity In fact I saw a post this morning I forgetwho it was by but it was really feminine in nature Um and it was really awesomeand healing and good and and I think there’s a lot of that going on right now which is good Um I’m going to go I’mgoing to go through uh some practices and some things that you can do toactually embrace your femininity And if you’re a man listening to this a couple of things I’m going tosay to you Um one is you actually have some femininity inside of you believe itor not Now some of you are like I know that I’m very feminine Um but some ofyou might be like what Like I’m a man Like it’s all about masculinity Well um we all have a little bit of ofof both in us Um some more than others And so embracing your femininity is agood thing even as a man The other thing to consider is supporting your partner

The imbalance between masculine and feminine energy

supporting your spouse your wife um the women in your life your daughters toactually embrace their femininity because subconsciously they’re being told toreject it Um in the world that we live in it’s very patriarch patriarchicalum is very masculine and without even knowing it femininity is rejected andpushed out and and I’ll give you some examples of this Um the the 9 to5 5 daysa week work week Um that’s a masculine thing We are expected to show up to workand do that and consistently do it over and over againMasculinity is about consistency femininity is cyclical and um you know uh we don’thonor that We we don’t honor that in the way that we run things Um that’s justone example and I could go on and on about ways in which femininity has been pushed out and pushed aside and um toxicmasculinity has replaced it Um but that’s not what this episode is aboutThis episode is about giving yourself permission to fully embrace and step into yourfemininity Um okay So these are just somesuggestions Um in order to take these suggestions on you have tobe open to and very very aware of that there isa difference between masculinity and femininity And it’s actually a really good thingUm there’s both are beautiful and important both are so incredible butthey’re different And because masculinity is one thing andfemininity is another it doesn’t mean that one is better than the other That’s an immature view of the the polarity ofmasculinity and femininity It’s what gets us in trouble It’s not acompetition It’s about support of of each And so when I talk about femininityand I talk about certain things sometimes people can be like “Well yeah now you’re saying that’s all femininityis.” And you know we’re Well the truth is is if Isay you know things like being steady or resultsoriented that ismasculine That is masculine And I know that might be well well as a woman does that mean that I I can’t be those thingsNo you absolutely can be those things And maybe you are those things but thatwould be more in the essence of masculinity And because that’smasculinity femininity supports that Now femininity is different thanthat And it’s things that the masculine is not Okay So it’s not a competitionYou have to be mature to understand healthy polarity between the masculine and the feminine And when I talkabout um embracing your femininity um it’s been rejected for so long It’sit’s starting to come back and I love it But it’s been rejected for so long Ithink it can trigger some people of like well you’re telling me this is what I have to be as a woman That’s not what

How culture suppresses femininity

I’m saying at all I’m just saying there is there is certain characteristics of femininitythat are important to embrace and we need to talk about those things and talk about ways in which you can embrace itand have fun doing it All right let’s get into itUm so I’m just going to pull up something hereSo something to do um so a a couple ofthings talking about masculinity is helpful to understand the the feminineum because you understand what femininity is not So if you think about it like the masculinity is like the sunwhere it’s it’s bright every day It it comes around every day and it’s you knowit it shows up pretty consistently It changes a little bit um through the seasons but every day it comes up andit’s bright Femininity is more like the moon Um like I was saying earlier it’scyclical Um some days it’s really bright some days it’s really dim some days it’snot even really there And it goes through this interesting it goes through this like30-day cycle close to 30 days um where it shows up different everysingle day Um soum one important characteristic and way to nurture your femininity is to honorthat is to honor your cycle And I’m talking about that cycleYes to to to honor it and embrace it to understand it What is your cycle likeIt’s probably unique and different than the women around you but it’s beautifuland it’s important And on the days when you’re in a a state of maybe pain or deepcontemplation um to try to force yourself to do things that you don’t want to do um is not agood idea rather honor where you’re at and give yourself permission to be where you’reat on days when um it’s sh you’re shining bright and yougot a bunch of energy and then honor that and step into that But whereveryou’re at in the cycle give yourself permission to be there Okay Um all right So femininity isum more about femininity is about presence It’sabout experience Where masculinity is more about results So I’ll give you anexample When my wife and I go hiking um I want to get to the end I I I wantto stay steady with it consistent disciplined in the in the way we’re hiking just and and get to thatlike final destination That’s what I want to do My wife on the other hand she wantsto like look at the beautiful little leafum that she found She wants to take a picture of the caterpillarum climbing on the plant Sometimes she’ll even hug a treeMy point being is she’s she’s grounded She’s she’s smelling

Why presence is a feminine strength

um the nature around her Uh she’s noticing things that I don’t notice andshe’s in the moment much more than I amUm you see this with uh sex a lot You know a man is about getting to the endresult Uh let’s let’s let’s figure this out let’s let’s help you get there andlet’s get there myself and that’s the goal and that’s what we’re doing Where the feminine is more about the the theoverall experience the sense the the the senses the thesensuality the things that you’re experiencing in those momentsUm the things you smell the things you hear the things that youtouch Okay Um so to embrace yourfemininity then give yourself ex give yourself permission topractice being present and connecting to yoursenses That is a practice in embracing yourfemininity Okay Um another one that’s really important is intuitionUm you women have a sixth sense There’s this deep knowing or understanding thata lot of times men don’t get or understand Now a lot of men a lot of men do have good intuition but it’s more ofa feminine trait Um women are close to God close totruth connected to energy Um so uh embracing your femininity means totrust that intuition and to to accept it and to not discount it and to umactually give yourself permission to listen Um and you’re not crazy You’renot just out there You’re you’re you’re feminine and you’re getting downloadsyou’re getting flow You’re that you’re there’s truth that you’re feeling It’snot just beating into your head Okay All rightUm the next one that I give I I don’t know if it’s uh fun so to speak but it’sa it’s a great way to practice femininityUm there’s a there’s a reason why there’s such thing as a man cold and it’s because um men uh have have a hardtime persevering Women are tough when itcomes to perseverance and and the feminine is built that way because we need that tosurvive as a species because of pregnancy and child birthum going through pain one day at a time getting sick while you’re pregnant Um II can’t even speak to this obviously because I’ve I’ve never been pregnant Sobut I can’t imagine the amount of perseverance that it takes to actually bring a life into this worldI think it’s beyond um comprehension to men of what thatmust really truly be like So how does that uh how does thatboil down to your day-to-day life Um practiceperseverance Practice pushing through some things that are difficultum perseverance that maybe your husband or brother or dad can’t do but youcan You know things like you you might be able to sit down and actually do thetedious task of going through all of your paperwork to get your taxes done That’s a feminine you know attribute tobe able to sit there and and do that Um that’s just an example

Embracing intuition and emotional depth

Um just this morning my my wife was cleaning the kitchen and just getting all the little things done and andum I got to be careful here because I’m not saying that women clean the kitchen and men don’t That’s not what I’m sayingWhat I am saying though is that she can stay steady on these like menialdifficult tasks and that is a feminine trait and that’samazing Okay I’m going to I’m going to put a few together hereUm but uh loving femininity is isloving my my my youngest son he loves me a lot and we’re boys and we do all kindsof stuff together and he’s like one of my most favorite people ever and but buthe’s a mama’s boy He if he could go jump into my arms or my wife’s arms he’sjumping in her arms And the reason is is because she he feels her loveum just her her natural ability to love him um with tenderness That’s another umfeminine trait a tender love a a nurturing love a patientlove that can just hold someone and be there forsomeone the most uh I would say the most I don’t evenknow how to describe it but the the some of the best feeling love that I’ve everfelt in my life has definitely come from thefeminine my mom my grandma Just feeling them um hold me seeme love me know me Okay So practicing femininity is is that is holding thatspace for people and just loving them in the ways that youcan A lot of times men have a hard time with empathyum because they want results They want to fix it They go to fix it modeUm men have a hard time with presence and just staying in that moment withsomebody’s feelings I I think with my therapy skills a lotof times I really have to tap into my feminini femininity in order to likehold space for people in a therapysession All right Um so let’s talk about nurturing for asecond Um what what is nurturing Yeah A lot of times when we talk aboutfemininity um one of the first things that comes up is is this is nurturing Um and it’s likewell okay well what does that meanUm you know I I think of uh you know when we’re born as babies uh humanbeings are the most helpless babies ever um we would die if we if we didn’t haveparents to take care of us and nurture us Whereas like you know I don’t know abear or something probably could figure out how to survive Maybe a bear is a bad example but you getit We are designed as human beings to need nurturing tosurvive And the masculine is not good at nurturing The masculine is out providingum doing other stuff but the feminine is there tonurture And what that means is to caretake for somebody And not in a bad way caretaking but to caretake forsomebody for their survival Let me make sure you’re fed Let me make sure you’re warm Let me makesure you’re loved You have all the things that you need for survival That’s nurturingSo embrace your femininity and find places in your life where you’re able to nurture

Honoring the feminine cycle and rhythms

people maybe it’s your grandkids maybe it’s yourneighbor Um but allow yourself to be nurturing cuz it’s beautifulOkay the next one this one this one is uh is really awesome and I think oftentimes it’s really attacked Um but it let me start bysaying this Um we get it so backwards so many times Like I I remember hearingthings like you know when a couple gets married a mom going up to her daughter andsaying “Just make sure his needs are always met.” And what she’s saying is “Make sure you’re available for sex when he needs it.” Um which is so like justbad advice Um but and and the the undertone of that is sex is like a him thing It’s men thatlike really like it and they’re the ones that want it Um but the fact of the matter is is whenit comes to sex um sensuality is a femininetrait So sensuality is different than just sexBut like I was saying earlier about experience um when it comes to sensuality when itcomes to sex um it’s about being in thatmoment Um toxic patriarchy and masculinity hasattacked s sensuality the feminine sensuality in in so many ways And it’sled to things like extreme uh rigid control in terms of like modesty andthings You’ll see you know high demand religions have women cover themselves up as much as possible because they’reafraid of their sensual nature They’re afraid of theirsensuality It’s amazing to me and I could give you statistics but I don’thave them off the top of my head Um but women have a a part ofthem that isn’t found in I don’t think any other species And what it is is apart that is purely made for pleasure It’s it’s 100% about pleasureand that’s it Women orgasm more than men Um andthey can have different orgasms And I I won’t keep going with this if it’s making you uncomfortable but my pointbeing is that sensuality is absolutely a femininething It’s interesting that like people like Jennifer Finlay some 5 come out and and or and I could list off a couplemore but but basically their message is like hey like ladies it’s okay to be sexual And it’s like wa these are thisis a great platform I love it This is amazing because sexuality has beenattacked in so many ways It’s gotten reallyconfusing and it’s led to things like obligatory sex It’s led to things likeum good girl syndrome and it’s the opposite of what

How sensuality connects to feminine energy

that sensuality actually is So practice your femininity by beingsensual And that can be in a lot of different ways That doesn’t have to lead to havingsex with anybody Um things like lighting a candle Umthat’s sensualUm certain oils Um there’s a reason why women tend tolike taking bubble baths more than men because it’ssensual Okay Um I got a few more here Soum flow is a a feminine trait more Sonot to say that men can’t get into a state of flow but flow is about you think aboutexperience presence being connected to the moment Femininity it does a really goodjob at flowing in um like truth and knowledge andunderstanding and deep knowing um deep wisdom And like I said men candefinitely get into flow as well but women can flow in themoment I hate to say this but overall and I hate to say thisbecause like I’ll I’ll tell you in a minute but overall there’s more womenthat are good dancers I would say by a wide margin than there are men Like Ihate to say that because I like to consider myself you know a pretty good dancer butum I’m just kidding I’m not a very good dancer But why does it come morenaturally to women than it does to men It’s because women can flow They can connect to that music They can movetheir body to that music They’re flowing in that moment OkayUm all right I’m going to do a couple of more Soum so anyways I want to come back to flow for a minute before I move on You want to practice femininity thenpractice flowing like practice dance orwrite and just see what And I’m not talking about writing like a list of to-dos I’m talking about just see whatcomes out So see what happens paint um create just allow in thatmoment to feel what you’re feeling and allow it tohappen So that’s what flow is Okay Umuh receptivity is a feminine traitSo um and you think of the natureof men and women women are built to receive and and that’s in many differentways But there’s a reason why most a lot a lot of businesses I think morebusinesses uh market to women than they do to men because women are morereceptive Women are more open to new thoughts new ideasum new possibilities So being receptive is a fe feminine trait So if that’s beenattacked for you where you’ve been told that you shouldn’t be so receptive um definitely have your boundaries andyou don’t want to get yourself in trouble in terms of getting scammed or um you know taken advantage of inrelationships or things like that but at the same time honor yourself in terms ofbeing a receptive human being That’s not a bad traitoverall It’s a good thingum new ways of of thought new possibilities Be open tothat Okay And then um one of the lastones oh I I want to share actually I have two more

How men can support healthy femininity

Um radiance is a feminine trait um to to glow to to feel beautiful toallow yourself to to just let yourself feel beautiful A lot of times I think it’slooked at like well w women get done up because you know they they want to attract men and it’s all about men andthey’re trying to attract men It’s not just that at all It’s also thatthey the femininity inside of them it makes them feel alive feels good to feelradiant to feel like you’rebeautiful Let’s say you stupid example but let’s say there were no men on earthat all I don’t think that women therefore would neverum try to try to be beautiful I think I think they would still want tostep into their beauty and feel beautiful And what’s so sad about theway our culture is in society is what it says to to women is in order to radiatein order to glow and show yourself you must look this specific way to dothat And if you don’t look this specific way then you better not try to be radiantAnd um it it takes a piece of their femininity from them because that shameis saying hide yourself instead of show yourself in a beautiful wayUm some of the overreaching uh messages on modesty also are sayingcover cover your radiance and I’m not saying go out and be and modest and what that’s not what I’m saying but what whatI am saying is there are messages that say you shouldn’t radiate outthere and absolutely um like find places that you feelcomfortable um just being as as beautiful as as you canbe All right Um the last one issurrender Um I this is an interesting one because I I think that femininityhas an ability to let go and masculinity in a lot of in a lot of ways is is moreabout like let’s fix it let’s let’s make sure um it changes or becomes what weneed it to be where femininity can say you know what I’m going to likesurrender to what is this can be a really hard one for femininity especially when we’re talking betrayaland things like that um where you know if you’re receptive andit’s about flow and sensuality and all these things when you’re in a state ofdanger danger Those things can’t happen Those things don’t happen And so a lotof times what you’ll do is you’ll try to become more masculine in order to protect yourself And you have tosacrifice all of these things like the surrender receptivity the tenderness the nurturingYou have to surrender all of those things in order to protectyourself For femininity to fully um radiate to flow to to be it requires

Reclaiming your feminine identity

a willingness and a and an ability to surrender which then requiressafety You have to feel safe in order for all this to to tohappen OkayUm so I hope this has got you thinking Um a huge part of recovery I thinkthat’s understated is embracing our masculinity and andfemininity And um we haven’t talked much aboutfemininity and we’ve talked a lot about masculinity So I just wanted to to get on here todayand share with you how important this is that we in the world need morehealthy femininity And I feel like and and the healthy masculine will love what I say next I feel like the feminine isis rising That femininity is comingback slowly but it’s coming back And I’m seeing it more aroundus and we need it so so much So I challenge you to if you’re a manlistening to this to provide that safety and that space to allow your partner toflow and to be If you’re a woman listening to this provide that safetyand space for yourself to allow yourself to do that and give yourself permissionto tap into your essence for all the things that I’ve talked about today totry to push out all of the messages of shame or should or this or that aboutwho you actually are and what you can actually do and who you actually can be to ju to just let that go a littlebit and to be you in all of your feminine beauty andglory Thanks for listening you guys Until next time keep on keeping on