IS Validating Your Partner’s Feelings REALLY That Important?

is validating your partner’s feelings really that important howdy Tyler what’s going onBrandon um not much just doing my thing um we’regetting our YouTubes going in the background you can hear us like piping in it’s because there’s that little bitof delay so so it’s actually loading on my screen I know it does the same thingto me we got to work out the glitch I guess um but I want to share a review if I canstart by sharing a review that’ be great um that’d be awesome so it says uh greatinsight and it says these counselors know their stuff they see things that offer C that that other counselors Missthey have emotional intuition and deep perception into all human interactions that’s awesome I think I Ithink you may have read that one before but it’s always nice to hear it again oh did I yeah cuz I was talking to youabout like I was talking to you about the term counselors when it’s counselors or counselors with quotes aroundit that’s right counselors with quotes around it you’re gonna get teed off on I like that one that much I had to go withit again so really kind words so I like hearing them twice yeah so um anyways just a

What is Validation?

real a real quick uh reminder shout out to anyone who would like to come on the show and talk with us uh therapybrothers. org that’s the place to go click submit a question or sign up to come on the show and then you can justschedule the call and we record pretty seamless pretty automatic coming on theshow is pretty easy um and we’ll talk about anything so we we would love goodguests to sign up so yeah and good morning to you Jerry too glad you’re here with us man yeahum all right so Tyler I have this I have I have a theory hey Brandon before youdo this you on the last episode invited somebody to be our 500 subscriber andwe’re at 502 now hey what do you know dang we surp well like I said we needed502 because we’ve subscribed twice so now that takes us off so we we actually have a legitimate 500 well heck yeahyeah sweet you probably should start like notching off all of our family and friends too proba still need a few morelet’s hit a thousand F let’s D let’s double this up so go over to YouTube watch us on YouTube comment uh s tell us

Why It Matters

good morning uh we love having you live so um all right you ready for my theoryyeah all right my theory is this my theory isthat um we as human beings can alleviate mostof our suffering through validation so let meexplain um if I start start an argument with someone or I have conflict orthere’s Discord and that someone before they fight back before they argue back theylisten and they validate me the conflict and the Discord usually subsides notalways but usually if I have um parts inside of methat are telling me to do things like shame screen and uh run away from fearand fight against it if I can stop and validate myself and acknowledge why I feel theway I feel and tell myself that I’m not crazy and that it’s okay that I feel that way then I will no longer do those

Misconceptions

things that well well it actually gives me the power to choose whether I want to do those things that are hurting me ornot because I can now unburden those parts inside of myself throughvalidation and then be able to have the power to move forward so both inrelationship and in relationship with self validation is the key to stop andregain your power and then act effectively what do you think of mytheory so okay so I’m having this thought go through my mind as you’re talking Brandon like people come into our officeall the time and what one of the biggest questions that or one of the biggest struggles that let’s say a couple comesin with aside from like the presenting problem which might be betrayal or somekind of trauma or some kind of distrust or something but most often people come to marriage or relationship therapy andthe the phrase they use is we just need better communication skillsokay and they come in thinking that communication skills are going to be things like I need to learn the rightphrases to say or I need the right learn the right St stat I need to learn how to

Strengthening Bonds

articulate myself more clearly and the truth is is that most people who comeinto our office actually are communicating quite clearly with each other they just don’t understand thatthey’re missing some key components yeah the the it’s interestingyou bring this up Tyler because we we’re you know we’re kind of surface levelwhere it’s like I need communication skills so that we can work effectively to get the outcomes that we wantand that’s not what relationships are about relationships are about feeling loved and and wanting to know thatyou’re seen that you’re important that you’re understood yeah and so it’s notnecessarily about the outcome it’s about knowing that somebody will hold space for me in this world and care about meand see me and and know me um I think that’s where but I think that’s where it breaks down a lot Brandon is that peoplebecause we’re all this way it’s it’s a human kind of tendency but we’re all kind ofso egocentric about the way we navigate the world that when we come and say I want to learn communication skills whatwe’re saying is I want to learn how to share my feelings so other people hear me better when in reality yeah whatyou’re saying I think is is that one of the biggest secrets to a happy relationship and to a relationship where

Role of Empathy

even if you disagree with somebody there can actually be some kind of respect some kind of like connection some kindof safety um the people who Master the skill oflearning how to validate actually master the skills of what you might call communication yesyes that that is the key um skill is learning how to validate because if youcan do that then you can communicate through anything um so so why is it so hard andI think you just kind of touched on it like we’re egocentric um but why is it so hard toto extend validation both to others and to yourself I think I think it goes back tokind of what we’re talking about Brandon is is that those other parts of us you know that that get activated when we’retalking with somebody um we we as human beings haveit hardwired into us to want to not be rejected to not want to be alone that’s the source of where all shame reallycomes from is is this fear that something about me makes me rejectable so then if I come into a situation and Istart sharing something that feels vulnerable it doesn’t even matter how I’m sharing it I might be sharing it in a totalshame screen kind of a way but it’s coming from a place of vulnerability if the person that I’mtalking to is like not

Tips for Validation

acknowledging my existence of being and what I’m feeling then I’m naturally going to have those parts of me that arealready activated get bigger and stronger and that’s going to take me out of my ability to stop pause and look atit outwardly in to the you know putting myself in the shoes of the other person because I’m going to be in such aprotective state that you know shame un shame itself unravels the ability tovalidate yeah if I’m if I’m not if if deep down I don’t feel like I’m lovabledon’t feel like I’m good enough um don’t feel like I’m smart or good you knowattractive or whatever any all of that stuff and I come across another person um if I void there then I’m goingto try to use them to fill the void and and and to make up for that stuff andwhen I go to try to use them to fill the void and they they um at times reflectback to me hey I feel pain anger sadness fear disappointment about some thingsthat you do um it triggers that shame and then itleads to me and and this is this is what so so many people if they could understand this thing in that moment um

When It Fails

I have to disconnect from them to protect myself and the other personfeels that so when I go into telling them why they’re wrong or fix it mode orshutting down or stonewalling or whatever it is when I go into any of those things what I’m doing is notwanting to validate how they see the world not wanting to feel it with thembecause I just need to make sure that I’m okay and so so the key to it Tyleris you know dagail Ruiz one of The Four Agreements is don’t take things personalum in our relationships if we can get to a point where you the other person holdsno weight at all about my worth and about who I am if if you hold no weightTyler then you can say anything to me you’re a jackass brownon yeah that’s okay and I would I would say whoa tellme what you’re feeling let’s let’s role play this for asecond no no and and but but like let’s get to a role play but like you know in

Real-Life Examples

our offices Tyler people come in and they’re like I am hurt because you betrayed me like you’re the worstpartner ever okay or they come in the office and they’re like go they just won’t do the dishes like it’s so OBnoxious and so whether it’s something big whether it’s something small in thatmoment if they’re saying they won’t do the dishes or I’m hurt because you cheated on me the partner o sitting over here canbe like well yeah I’m a piece of crap spouse so like you bringing up the dishes like well what about all thetimes you didn’t do the dishes you know they disconnect um or I’m hurt because youcheated on me yeah I’m the wor first you know I’ll never I can never re you know I can never fix this againdisconnecting validation looks like what Tyler yeah um well I I wonder not evenjust validation but let’s go back to not taking it personal for a second okay um I’m thinking of a story Brandon I we mayhave shared this before or not but uh we used to your little grins making menervous never know what you this is actually an exam this is actually an example of you not taking something

Impact on Communication

personally when I tried to make it personal so um we used to we used to mowLawns for a living through college like we had a little lawn care business we did a bunch of like accounts and that’skind of how we made our money to pay for college right and I remember one day in particular I might have been on the sameday maybe I’m running two or three days together but you remember that we had a lawnmower one day about halfway throughthe day the front wheel fell off yeah and I was justpissed well it was like our third breakdown of the day yeah they things were breaking downwe we didn’t have we were just barely strapped for money we’re like we don’t have we can’t go buy another lawn mowerwe can’t like you know so I’m literally mowing a lawn trying to balance it on three wheels like trying to like finishdoing this lawn so I’m already it actually looked pretty good though it was pretty amazing it was great man like the thequality was there but it was just way more extra work and it was like I feel like I just got kicked in the gut like II am trying to earn a living like do the do it the right way work hard and nothing’s going right well I think itwas towards the end of the day we we kind of had a rhythm and we had me and you and one of our cousins working withus and we’d have a rhythm where two guys would mow one guy would trim and then whoever got what done with their section

Conclusion

first would blow the whole thing off and we had we had a few uh we had a fewsodas in the car that we were like saving for like the last lawn of the day we get to the last lawn of the day andour cousin gets done with his part but doesn’t grab the blower and just jumps in the van and then you jump in the vanand then I have to blow the thing off and while I’m blowing the thing off you guys drank my last soda like you drankand you were like laughing about it thinking you’re so funny and uh and I get done and I’m already just totallyticked off the I like that you can laugh about this now again too like you guys Icould see the like the the the grins on your your face as I was getting back you gave us exactly what we wanted yeah and

Share Your Thoughts!

then I go and I reach for the soda and it’s gone and I just lost it on you like you mother effers like not only do younot even do your part of the work but now you’re drinking the soda like f you guys I’m just like I’m just going offright and if you were taking that personally you would have been either like way way defensive and been like getoff your high horse or you would have been like oh I’m so sorry I suck so badbut instead instead both of you guys just kind of like sat there with these Smiles on your face like just just let

Outro

the let him go till the steam clears off you know then I the steam cleared off and then we finally calmed down and waslike all right let’s let’s go home we’ll try again tomorrow you know I dropped you off at the next lawn and then I wentto the gas station and bought you a soda I remember that you dropped me off at the next one I was like disappear I’llbe right I’ll be right back and I I was pissed at you too cuz you left me to do that lawn by myself and then you cameback with the soda like some like token of like piece or something something so I remember it was it was root beer itwas it was it was I think it was Shasta Shasta root beerso but but the key here is like you didn’t take that personally now now we can that was a big detour I just had toget that story out of my head um but but coming back now to like thatthis principle of like validation why it’s so important isis that you know I think sometimes if we were to pause and look at like why do we communicate with other people most of ushave the same goal and the same goal is to be seen and known and valued and when we take whatever is coming to us and wego into ourselves and then let those parts of us start to defend ourselves our responses naturally invitemore of what we don’t want whereas if we were to if we were able to pause and go okay I need toreally be curious with what this person’s saying I need to not take it personally I really need to try to showthat I understand them in some ways all of those those three things that you cando are actually just helping you get more of what you want because you’re more likely to have an Engaged personcoming back now now that they’ve been understood now that they’ve been seen they want to engage with you and offerthe same things back this sounds great Tyler it’s wonderful but like it’s notthat easy um you know if like if we were in a situation whereor or or like especially with a marriage because there’s so much at stake withinmarriage and let’s say your partner is saying you suck you’re the worst youfail me you um don’t give me what I want in life um it’s miserable me beingmarried to you so I’m supposed to not take that personal I’m supposed to liketake a step back and be like oh okay like here here’s a rootbeer yeah well well I mean it depends on what your overall goals are so if theoverall goal is actual connection now this is the tricky part is if my partner is saying all of those things to me Idon’t necessarily agree with all of those things but I can still respond back to my partner in a way that showsvalidation and understanding if I can get connected to what the emotion and experiences ofmy partner rather than needing to agree with all of the details say let’s say that they’re off base let’s say thatlike it’s not reality they like they’re mad that you never do any housework and you spent the whole day yesterday doinghousework um are their feelings valid well I I think that’s the key is thatyou don’t so something that we were taught in graduate school that I think has been really valuable to me as atherapist and it just drilled it into so and over again when we’re working with couples is as a therapist don’t getsucked into the content and stay primarily focused on the process so what that means is if mypartner comes to me and is like you suck at housework you never do anything right like the content is housework neveranything right but the process is hey something about whatever’s going onbetween us is really stirring up some feelings inside of you like like the fact that you just said those things tome in the way that you said them tells me that there’s some kind of emotional process going on in you that I would bevery careful to say it that way I want to understand what you’re going through but you I I love what you’re saying tobut but don’t say it like as a therapist like almost robotic like that right likebecause what what I mean Tyler what I mean is validation has to be heartfelt and it has to be sincere right so likeif I were let’s say my wife were upset today and I was like I can tell that you’re feeling some feelings right nowand I would like to hear those feelings please share them with me she’s going to like give me the bird and be like yeahfor you know sometimes to get to validation it’s as simple as kind oftaking a step back and saying something like help me understand tell me tell memore um I I I can tell that you’re upsetand I want to know more I want to know why yeah but see you’re duck you’re ducking all the content to get there andyou’re saying hey I can see that you’re upset like help me understand that yeah yeah to to your point there like justlike what you were saying like we get so fix it but the reason we fix it on the content is because the content is thething that triggers the shame and so that’s why we get fixated on the content and if you don’t take it personal andyou realize this is not about logic and reason this is about emotion and if it’s about theiremotion and you know like the truth is is it their emotion their energy thatthey have about something is absolutely valid even if it’s off base because it’s real to them it’s valid to them so it’svalid yeah so their experience yeah they could be extremely upset that the skyis you know purple and like you can stop and saywhoa like help me understand understand the content is the color of the sky the emotion is they’re extremelyupset we need to go after that emotion and we need to show them that we careabout the way that they view the world that we care why they’re having those emotions not that that they shouldn’thave those emotions you care about them as a person you care about why they’re having the emotions and you care aboutshowing that you want to understand yes that I have I have theenergy and the love in my heart to care about you and yeah so you yeah the truthis Brandon about that like if you were to approach it with that piece that’s the piece that gets left out so oftenthe likelihood of then being able to continue the conversation with you knowI’m not sure that this topic is exactly accurate because I spent 12 hours cleaning the house yesterday um butthat’s not the issue the issu is is that you’re feeling devalued or you’re feeling unsupported or you’re feeling this or this or this and let’s let’sfigure that one out let’s forget about talking about the housework and let’s talk about how we can show value yeah I mean you’re you’re you’re like done likeyou’re feeling depleted and that’s like go and and the validation piece like youcould kind of hear me getting there just by going like go like that’s tough yeahor I could I’d feel that way too if that if that’s how you know if that’s whatwas going on for me right I think yeah I think one of the places where people break down on valid a lot is they theyhear the word validation and they they they think validation is synonymous with agreeing yeah or plating yeah andagreeing and plating are not actually what validation is no no very differentyou you can totally disagree with somebody and still validate themyeah yes that that and if you are plating them then you’re still in self-protection and they’ll feel that from you if you’re actually validating them and caring about them they’ll feel thatfrom you and it’s really cool Tyler I’m sure you’ve seen it quite a bit I’m sure you’ve experienced it in your in yourown life when you get validated or when you give validation and there’s that connection that understanding thathappens between two people there’s this sense of relief there’s this sense oflike oh okay like things are okay um you see me you love me um we’re not in afight our hearts are at peace and that happens with validationum when true validation happens yeah where you can still and you can still end in a disagreement and still havethat sort of element of like softening and peace and going okay like we areprobably going to agree to disagree on this but I feel understood I feel I think this I think this guy’s blue youthink this guy’s purple but you know now that I understand why you see the sky aspurple and why that’s disappointing or scary for you right and I can still sayto me it’s blue yeah it still looks blue to me but looking at it from yourperspective I can see why it would look purple yeah and and why you have these feelings around that it’s okay that youhave those feelings yeah um we make it sounds so easy Tyler in those momentsit’s it’s tough in those little moments in life um but one of the most importantthings we talk about betrayal trauma and betrayal all the time one of the most important things that somebodycan do and one of the biggest opportunities that somebody can do to to to rebuild trust is to actually learnhow to do this in the right way and and validate and and it it’s soexcruciatingly hard but to validate the pain of the partner around theBetrayal is really important and if you’re running andhiding and doing everything because you have so much Shame about the things that you’ve done then you’re not going torebuild Trust trust with your partner if you want to rebuild trust you’re not yeah you’re not going to be able to rebuild connection either withoutwithout really seeking to to feel and understand and show that you want to understand your partner and I was I wastalking to someone this week and and they were like yeah it’s been a couple years since it all came out you know andum I was I was telling him about Paul Young um who tells that story about youknow after 11 years his wife finally said I I trust you and he felt it fromher and with betrayal you know validating their feelings onetime um usually isn’t enough or never is enough yeah um but validating theirfeelings again and again and then but you can have boundaries too and and I think that’s one thing that’s importantto understand Tyler you won’t validate them unless you have boundaries so if if they’re saying calling you names andthreatening you and this and that you need to have boundaries so that you can validate them um if you don’t have thoseboundaries then you’re just ripe for emotion all of your shame buttons hit and then you’re going to lose yourability to hold that space yeah yeah I think that’s an important thing Brandonto recognize that healthy boundaries are a loving way of then being able to offer your presence y um because you know it’slike if if I have a partner that comes to me and is like you suck at this and this and this and you’re a terribleperson I might be able to hold this space be like wow tell me what’s going on like something’s happening here butmore more likely I’m going to have all my parts get hit and go like oh I got to defend myself or I got to hurry and getout of this or I got to scramble and then I’m going to lose my ability to have that validation piece yeah um but if I were to then have some boundariesand say hey like something’s obviously going on for you I’d love to talk about it but I’m not going to talk about it ifI’m going to be called names exactly exactly like I want to hear you I want to hear you but beanywhere if we’re going to call names so let’s take a break and then let’s touch Bas again I really want to understand where if you’re being violent if you’rethrowing things across the room like I can’t I can’t I can’t be here for you umI got but I’m still offering a way to hold space I’m just saying that it’s not I’m not going to be able to give you mybest self if this is the conditions that we want to talk right right right um umso there’s a couple things Brandon if you don’t mind I I want to throw this out there for people just principally thinking like okay so what are what aremaybe a few principles that would be a good way to exercise this idea of validationrelationships and I want to use uh tikn hans’s four mantras oh um so this issomething I I actually saw it on a clip of Oprah a long long time ago you’re you’ve always been a huge Oprah Manan ishuge you have all her favorite thingsI think somebody shared this clip with me and but uh uh but but I really L thefour mantras because I see the principles behind them so these are the four mantras that tikn Han says that if you want magic in yourrelationships this is the way for you to help create that magic in relationships and you can use any of these fourmantras now obviously you’ll use your own language but it’s the principle that matters the first Mantra and he uses the word darlingdarling I am here for you um just to just to be acknowledged asbeing seen hey I’m here for you um that’s the first one um I see youthat’s that’s it basic second one is Darling I know that you’re there and I’mso happy that you’re there it’s it’s another way of validating that saying I appreciate youbeing for me I get that you’re for me in this way and this way and this way and this wayand I want you to know that I see that that is its own form of validation um it’s a it’s a way ofshowing gratitude right um the third one and this is this is where it gets a littlebit harder especially if you are the reason for thesuffering you step into the space darling I know you suffer and I’m here foryou you know darling I see you in pain I see you struggling I see you I see youhating me right now and I don’t blame you because of the things that have happened and I know that there’sprobably not a lot I can do but I am here I’m here for you and I see you um and then the fourth Mantra isactually a way of connecting by asking for help darling Isuffer please help me darling I’m in pain you know thinkabout this you know Brandon like if a betrayed spouse comes and instead of going like you hurt me and you ruined mylife and you’re a terrible person but what if they came instead and were like man I having a terrible rough day I’mhaving a hard time finding love in my heart for you I’m feeling totally gutted I’m feeling emotionally spent I’mfeeling helpless I’m feeling a little bit hopeless I don’t know where to turn I don’t even know if you can fix it butI just want you to know please help me like that is an invitation intoconnection it’s its own form of actual validation of hey I see you and I knowthat you could help me or I’d love for you to help me or maybe I you can’t help me but I want you to see me right rightyou’re not attacking them you’re not trying to get that love or that validation you’re opening up um to ityou know one thing about it is you know asking for that like telling telling them that you’re suffering I think yougot to be careful with a little bit uh with the timing of it cuz a lot of timespeople will jump right to that of like oh you’re suffering well I am too like let me hurry and get there and I likehow it’s the fourth one it’s the fourth one for a reason yeah well and I think I think Ithink that’s the other part of that though too is that that’s that’s a quick breakdown in communication is if I cometo you Brandon like hey Brandon like man I’m having a really rough time man you you drank my root beer on on the worstday of the summer so far and then you’re like you think it’s a rough day you don’t think I just spent the last youknow 10 hours mowing lawns and like you know like that’s that’s just a breakdown and validation already if I’m the onecoming to you and offering this bid and say dude like I’m struggling man like that root beer was the only thinggetting me through the day like and you go and you can then go like oh man likeI was just playing a joke on you trying to have some fun man I’m sorry but but even that is fixing it like I wouldn’teven go there yet I’d be like be like man you seem pretty pissed and you’d be like yeah I am likeyeah I’d probably be I’d probably be pissed too like honestly like I’m trying to play a joke but it’s probably not afunny joke and I it was it was funny for you too and I’d be pissed too you know like I get it yeah I get it I understandyou know and you’re like okay yeah if I would have done that it would have been probably much different right and then Idrive straight to Maverick and get you a drink you knowum I wanna I wanna this whole concept of validation I want to give umtwo kind of contexts for it that that are interesting uh for people to exploreif you can’t do it with your with your angry spouse um that that that’s like uhdoing it with your angry spouse is like you’re you’re on the highest level that’s like the major leagues yeahyou’re like in the in the Octagon in the in the UFC I mean it’s the big big timeleagues um doing it with your spouse um but everyone should strive that to to dodo it and do it well with their spouse a great place to practice is with your children um your children often timeshave emotions that are irrational and they freak out about things that don’t make much sense and asparents our kneejerk reaction a lot of times is it’s not it’s not that big a deal or or look like do this instead ortry so we fix it we tell we minimize it and they are having a massive emotionabout like a toy being stolen from them and as an adult we look at that like seriously like who cares um they’rehaving a massive emotion so try to validate them so get on their level sokneel down if you need to look at them so that they know you’re feeling themyou’re feeling it with them um and just be like oh what’s going on what’s that like foryou Paul you seem pretty upset I can see why you’re upsetit makes sense to me now why you’re upset well they stole my toy and I I never get it and yeah and and watch whathappens with that child when you just go validate them feel that relief feelingthat will happen I promise you it’ll happen it’s incredible because they’re like oh I’m loved in thismoment now we’re not fixing it yet we’re not dealing with the you know the other kid that stole the toy yet or whateverwe’re just in this moment with them and and let’s say they hit the kidbecause they got their toy stolen we’re I’m not punishing yet I’m not saying here’s your consequence for hitting I’mjust stopping and saying you’re upset um and just just practice therewith your children you have opportun they have so much emotion going on all the time and teenagers young kids youhave a ton of opportunity to practice um the second context that I would umencourage you to practice with is within yourself I brought this up at the beginning um and and we do this in Partswork a lot you get let’s say you get really upset and you start doing something to let’s say you’re swearingat the guy in the in the lane next to you while you’re driving okay you can stop for a minuteand say whoa I’m going to notice like wow I’m pretty mad um there’s a part inside of me thatis wants to like swearum it makes sense why I want to swear at this guy so you can hear me doing it alreadyit makes sense why I want to swear this guy um it’s it’s in fact it’s okay thatI want to um but I’m you know what like nowthat I know that and I see why I want to and I acknowledge my feelings and I validate my feelings to myself I canthen be like but you know what like I’m going to let that go I’m I’m not going to have a bad daybecause of this so I’m going to bring another part in but I have to validatethat angry part first before I can move on to bring that other part in yeah soso Within Myself I can be like it’s okay you’re okay um anybody would feel thatway and there’s a reason why you have this part that’s protecting you that’s there for you right now that’s all rightnow I’m going to acknowledge that and move on so to your children and within yourself practice there and then whenyou step into the big leagues when you go home at night you strengthen the muscles and that spouse is just likeready to go you can be like okay well not going to take thatpersonal I’m going to listen I’m going to care I’m G to hold space and I’m going tovalidate yeah and and I think Brandon going along with what you’re saying just another thoughthere um that emotions come and go and they move andone way one of the best ways to move an emotion is to validate it the the minutean emotion gets validated it starts to subside yep it can’t help but subsidebecause it’s cropping up screaming for attention and the minute gets the proper attention it starts to go oh okay Idon’t have to do that anymore yeah limic starts to to slow down and you’re fine you’ll see that you’ll see that inpeople that you interact with on a day-to-day basis you know if someone you you know you see some something at thethe counter at the return at the return counter at Walmart and there’s some irate customer if you get a really goodcustomer service person all they have to do is be like oh man what a pain you had to come back in here sorry about thatyou know we’re here for you we’re going to make sure you get taken care of like instantly that person’s face starts to go yeah just that little statement whata pain to have to come back in here they’re going to be more of a jerk if they keep going at the pattern that they’re going whereas if the guy behindthe counter is like get off my effing back like gosh yeah that that response is going tocontinue to amplify until it gets validated right so validation is is areally good way of helping to regulate emotion it’s a superpower in life likeit truly is it validation helps you umcreate and choose and and respond not react but it helps you create love andthat’s the best thing about it when you know how to do it then you can create connection yyeah well good discussion today Brandon um love to hear people’s thoughts on this we could probably cover it you knowI’m thinking of we don’t have time for it today but I’m thinking of the six levels of validation fromDBT um people can look those up or maybe we’ll do another podcast episode in the future on those but it truly is asuperpower in relationships if you want to improve your communication skills go commit yourself to masteringthe art of validation and watch what happens to your relationship shipsyep all right you guys well thank you for listening again if you want to be uhguests on the show therapy brothers. org um and you can click on there submit aquestion you can come on and until next time keep on keeping on