My Spouse Is Guilt-Tripping Me To Break Down My Boundaries… What Do I Do?

“Love your enemy. Do good to those that spitefully use you, turn the other cheek, and go the extra mile. I would love to hear your thoughts on these Christian ideals that can be weaponized by a spouse to assault boundaries you have put in place. Do I believe in these values? Yes. Do I believe that boundaries are a must? Yes and this is a newer realization for me. I have done some deep down soul searching to come to my core values and truth and have strived to live by those. Much thanks to your podcasts and answers to questions to help ground me and help me discover those truths for myself. I have felt betrayed in my relationship with my wife and I have set personal boundaries that take me out of the situations that led to these feelings of betrayal because it is something I can control myself. Namely, I will no longer spend time with my wife and her friend as it is not a safe environment for me. Their actions together go against my values of loyalty, trust, and family. I have clearly addressed my concerns directly with my wife and friend so there is no ambiguity on how I feel about the relationship. I have found peace in this decision which would make one think all would be well but I once again find turmoil in my life. I have taken a leadership role in our church and my wife’s anxiety spiked. She peppered me with questions such as, “How can you be a leader and not love everyone?” “How can you cut someone out of your life that is so good?” My friend does not even know if she can come to church with you as one of the leaders. You are a hypocrite for saying people should show love and kindness to others yet you cut this person out of your life and don’t welcome them into our home. Dang Brannon and Tyler, I would love some insight here. I am not out slandering this person by any means, but they also are not feeling “loved” by me. Love your enemy? How exactly are you supposed to love the person that seems to have replaced you and the family in your spouses life? It feels like the Christian principals mentioned previously are being used as a wrecking ball on my boundaries. I love your podcast because you are willing to say the hard things, so let me have it if I am way off base here. Much appreciated!”