Why I LOVE my Addiction

In this epsode, Tyler and Brannon talks about a personal journey of embracing their addiction as a complex part of their identity. They discuss how this experience has led to self-discovery, resilience, and a deeper understanding of their emotions. By reframing addiction as a source of strength rather than solely a weakness, the speaker encourages viewers to find empowerment in their struggles and to seek growth through adversity.

Transcript (Tap to Toggle)
Introduction
why I love my addiction Oh Tyler
Yeah it’s going to be fun I don’t even know what I I We’re supposed to talk for the next hour I don’t know what to say
Yeah this will be this will be a fun one It’s probably something we we uh we haven’t really specifically talked like
straight at addiction for quite a while So figured we we’d get into that a little bit today Yeah Um
um yeah we will dive into that today So anyways how was uh did you get some
sleep last night yeah not not much We got in I got in just after midnight after the the training It’s it’s weird
because you go to those things and you get so pumped up and you get so many ideas and I have pages and pages of
notes and I’m ready to implement them but then the travel and the emotional expenditure of the actual event just
kind of like wipes you out for the next day Yeah Yeah I can see it in your eyes You’re you’re a little bit depleted
right now Yeah I feel like invigorated and excited and like Yeah but I just
don’t want to do it yet I just I just want to rest even even though I’m pumped up about everything
Yeah Let’s just chill for a minute Um I think a lot of people have gone to retreats and things and it’s so
My Addiction Journey
interesting that the the it’s like just such intense connection and stimulation in so many
ways and then there’s this like let down afterwards of just like oh like I just
need need a break you know So y absolutely Yeah Um well so why I should
love my addiction I think before we dive into this Um we’re
going to talk about all the amazing things about addiction here for for a second And I just want to say before we
do that our like our goal what what we’re not saying is that any of these
behaviors are like awesome They’re not necessarily healthy They hurt people
Yeah And that including yourself Um so before we we talk up addiction let’s
just let’s just make it known like I it it is pretty
um damaging Yeah it’s it’s you can’t I mean you can’t if you look at just like
the traditional like definitions of addiction there’s a whole there’s a whole bunch of them out there but the gist of most of those definitions is
this that I use some kind of substance or activity to increase pleasure or
decrease pain and I continue to use it or do it even when to do so causes some
part of my life to become unmanageable Yeah Yeah Yeah Go ahead I was just going
to say unmanageability Like what does that mean right So yeah So unmanageability like
that’s the part that you get into like if somebody comes into your office and they’re like am I an addict or do I have an addiction i can go to work and I can
function and I can do this and I can do that And it’s like okay so your work life is still manageable And then you
start checking in on other parts of life and saying are all of the other parts of life manageable or unmanageable And is
the acting out contributing to the lack of manageability if there is some Right
so yeah I can keep my job I drink every day but I keep my job I just wait till at 5:00 and pop a top then Um Okay Uh
how’s your marriage oh my wife’s getting ready to leave me Why well cuz I drink all night Oh that’s another But yet I
Embracing the Struggle
keep drinking But I but I keep drinking and and I I don’t have a problem with alcohol It’s not the alcohol Yeah Uhhuh
Um but I get I get really angry Oh okay Um do you get angry when you’re not
drinking no not as much Oh but you don’t see the connection between the alcohol and the anger right no no I don’t have a
problem with alcohol But your but your wife’s leaving you Yes Okay That’s called unmanageability Yeah Yeah You
know unmanageability can also look like um I told myself I was going to stop and
I I literally told myself yesterday I was going to stop and here I am again
Yeah And if I don’t hundred times have been your last time Yeah Yeah Yep It’s
it’s like I don’t want to do this I I know I don’t want to do this Oh I’m doing it Yeah Here I am again Here I am
again Um unmanageability can also look like
um the the imbalance of your life So it it starts to take over everything It’s
like well your thought process kind of gets hyperfocused on it Yeah Like I can’t I can’t just socialize I have to
drink Right Or like let’s take sex or porn It’s like I can’t just be present
with people or my family because I’m just thinking about how am I going to get that fix where is that going to come
from next um I’m spending massive amounts of time and money and things
like that Like you know an 8 hour day of work you spend five hours on the computer acting out Like that’s
unmanageability right exactly So you start looking at those things and that’s that’s like what
a definition of an addiction is So when we start talking about why you should love your addiction we’re acknowledging
that the addiction itself is the thing that’s driving people into treatment with us Yeah Right Right We’re not we’re
not promoting addiction here It’s causing it’s causing a ton of pain in
people’s lives Yeah It’s an insidious form of like breaking relationships apart and damaging self-confidence and
fueling shame It does all of those things and it produces really bad outcomes in your life and that’s why
it’s an addiction And yet fighting against it will actually
Lessons Learned
give it more power And so this is kind of the the paradoxical nature to this of if you
want to gain control um with your addiction then you need to love
it If you want to get rid of it you need to love it
Right It sounds so weird to do that because that is that is truly paradoxical
Um but but well I’ll give you like a kind of an example of how we’ve maybe changed over the years too and why we’re
we’re talking about this right now Brandon do you remember the old days when we would do like different
assignments with our clients and one of the assignments that we used to do is we would have them and I still do this but
I do it differently now I’d have them create like an artistic impression of their addict
self And then we would have them we used to have them write a letter And the
letter was like a I want you out of my life I’m breaking up with you So long for good Like I’m
practicing saying you know this is all the ways you’ve hurt my life And then they would read that letter and and
practice trying to let go of their addict Yeah Yeah Right Y And now and now
that assignment looks more like create an image of your addict self and then
write a letter to your addict self that outlines everything that outlines an
understanding of what it’s done for you over the years and how it formed all the things it’s doing to try to protect you
and help you and the the good intentions that it’s had over the years to try to support you and all of the negative
consequences that it’s producing and then offer it understanding
curiosity compassion and then invite it to take its place with you rather than
running your life That you just described what we call unbburdening your protective parts
And that that’s uh you can see that you
almost align yourself with it So so if you think about it this way
Tyler the addiction is fighting extremely hard for
you to not feel pain The addiction provides a powerful
Finding Strength in Weakness
tool and um a a very available tool to
get relief Like it’s it is good at its job It does a dang good job at what it was
designed to do It steps up Problem is smart Yeah It steps up too
well It just it it like crashes too many parties Yeah Yeah Yeah It steps up too
well It’s too accessible too easy too powerful too consistent too amazing in
in so many ways So if I have any pain if I have stress about money or
relationship problems or this or that like I go find that thing that gets me some dopamine Oh an instant relief and
will satiate me out and just h have me feel like uh I don’t have to deal with those problems anymore Yeah I’ll give
you maybe an example of that Brandon Like when I was on my uh church mission when I was like 20 years old I had a
bike accident like 2 days after Christmas where I knocked out well I didn’t really knock out I like fractured
in a weird way I fractured the three front teeth in my mouth and uh the nerves were like hanging out So it was
just like extremely painful And then they had to go and do all like they had to do like all sorts of work on my mouth
And they sent me to a periodontist who had to raise my gum line just to be able to get crowns back on my teeth after
they kind of tried to p patch up what they could what what was left And I remember I don’t I don’t know if you’ve
ever experienced this or not Brandon but growing up we never had like the the nitro the nitrous kind of gas in the
dentist The very first time I ever had nitrous was on this like surgery So I
was fully awake and I was watching this like periodontist like cut my mouth open
and pull out chunks of tissue and I was just in like pure bliss Like oh this is
going to make me pass out This is the best feeling I think I’ve ever felt in the world I’m like where has this been
all my life you know and then I you know so I knew like and and I already know I have an
addictive personality Um so I knew like oh man I want to get a hold of that So every time I went to the dentist
afterwards I’d be like “Do you guys have nitrous you guys have nitrous?” You know and then and then I’d go I was total
The Role of Self-Discovery
junkie I I got to a spot where I was drinking too much like soda and I ended up with like well I was starting my
practice several years later and I got to where I was like getting cavities on purpose Getting cavities and I went into
the dentist and the dentist was like “Man you drink way too much soda.” Like and I was drinking like 128 ounces of Dr
Pepper at that time a day Like that’s like a gallon a gallon of Dr Pepper every day So I’m already addicted to
that And then the dentist is like “Hey you got so many cavities in your mouth We can either do it like one setting and
just fix all your cavities or we could do it in halves or quadrants.” And I’m like “So one
appointment two appointments or four appointments?” He’s like “Yeah.” I’m like “Four?” I’m like “Four appointments.”
You junky is And the reason why I picked four was was for the nitrous because
because it just like instantly and that’s what that’s what the addiction does is it can it can consistently
produce the thing you’re looking for It’s just that after you use it too much it doesn’t produce as good of results as
it used to If if uh if I ever get in a like accident with you or whatever and
we’re at the hospital I am not letting them give you fentanyl Like no way Don’t
let me like ibuprofen I don’t care how much pain he’s in When I blew out my knee the de the doctor gave me like 120
hydrocodone He should never give me that much I used it all in like in like a week’s time and then I went back to him
like a week later and I was like “Doc like my knee hurts so bad I got to have
more medicine.” And he looked me straight in the face and he’s like “Your knee doesn’t hurt You can’t have any
more pills.” Hey I hope you listen And I was like “But in my brain I thought I hurt I
really thought that I hurt.” But then he’s like “No no you you don’t hurt.” He’s like “That’s that’s a mental.” He’s like “You’re already forming.” So that
doctor saved me from having an opioid You’re lucky You’re lucky you had a good doctor Um because because I love those
things And um but why because because it will instantly do
its job right so it just takes it all away Yeah So addiction it a couple of
things if we can really get into this Addiction is good at numbing pain It’s good at just like quickly numbing pain
Resilience Through Adversity
You can do it anonymously Um it’s awesome for that It it does other things
too though And these other things are almost more
um I don’t know what the right word is like make people cling on to their
addiction even more so they get attached to it almost like a relationship Yeah It’s things like um I need to I need a
means to sabotage my life because I’m worried that if I do too good I might
fail And so every so often I’ll relapse into something whatever addiction it is
to prove to myself that I’m not good enough So then I won’t I won’t fall and I won’t fail as hard So thank you
addiction for stepping up for me avoiding failure giving me giving me a a
proof that I’m I’m not I can’t do these hard things And you use the addiction to
take care of you in that way Um so not only are you getting the dopamine hit
and the fun of it but you’re also using it in other ways to um avoid emotional
discomfort spiritual discomfort whatever discomfort it is Exactly And and it and
it also works for those things too for a short period of time Yeah Right
It’s like if I if I’m scared of intimacy because I have trauma and shame and it’s
like well my wife wants to be closer Well what I can do is I can I I I I’ve
seen this Tyler before where it’s like the the person struggling with the addiction knows like well if I act out
this often and in these ways then I can control the level of vulnerability in my
relationship Yeah She’ll stay more distant to me And I’m scared I’m scared of her getting closer Yep sexual
anorexics love that it pairs well with sex addiction and it’s for that reason
it’s it’s I can go and pursue the sexual response and experience without the vulnerability of being in a real deep
relationship and I at the same time it also lets me kind of stay at arms length
internally and externally for my partner if if I act out just every so often
Changing Perspectives
because then that kind of makes her or him not want to get too too close to me
Yep Right Another thing it does is it um
and look just just look how as I go through some of these things like clever and good it is at at some of this stuff
Uh addiction is really good at validating and agreeing with your shame
and your faulty core beliefs So it’s like if I feel like I’m
horrible and the addiction will come around and be like “Yeah see you’re
horrible.” I get And I know this sounds I know this sounds weird It sounds weird
but you almost feel like it’s your friend because it’s there to tell you
what you believe is true It’s like uh it’s like listening to a really depressing song when you’re sad and
having that song feel so good Yeah And that song tell you that you’re sad and help you be sad Um it addiction does
that with shame So addiction does it to a level even a further level It does it
with your identity I have an identity that I’m not lovable that I’m not okay Addiction will be there to tell me that
I’m not lovable and that I’m not okay And and it drives home those things And
in a weird way it’s like well I have something that proves it true Right
Right It’s interesting that you say that Brandon because it also does the opposite for some people too which it
gives them a semblance of like fulfillment or connection too
sometimes where if I come home I’m like maybe I’m the kid at school who never has any friends and gets picked on and I
come home and I can jump on the computer and go in and fantasize about what it’s like to have that amazingly beautiful
woman that I can just imagine would be want to be with me and I’m so good and
all of that stuff in the fantasy can kick in and now for a split second I don’t have to be the kid who just got
picked on and the loner at school Yeah I got to feel the void escape the shame
Yeah So so it does both It reinforces the shame and it provides escape for the shame Both that’s how powerful that is
That’s the hook is it validates the pain you’re in at the same time that it promises relief and it gives you
Support Systems
short-term relief temporary temporary relief often at the cost of your values Yeah And at the cost of um like just
wallowing in more shame right um another thing addiction does before
we move on from this and it’s really good at it It’s amazing actually is if I’m a certain type of
dude right like let’s say I’m like really chill Um it addiction can can be
tailor made for that Um the the type of sexual acting out can create feeling
really chill The type of drug I use certain types of drugs chill me out make
me feel good right satiate me out Um if I’m a if I’m a like adrenaline junkie
and I’m not chill and I want to like I want to feel things I want to Man addiction can do that It can do that for
you too It’s like good It’s like so good at that And like here here like take
this stimulant do this acting out Like you you’ll get that adrenaline hit Um if
I’m a creator and I like to just see
things and feel things and and I have that creative mind want to escape
addiction can do that Um you know it can give me exact I I can I can pick
exactly what does it for me And it’s really interesting Tyler We we worked in
in uh drug addiction for a lot of years and it’s it’s like funny because there’s
the poly substance users that just like use anything and those are the people that just want to numb out like if you
have something I’ll take it I’ll take whatever you got I just need to numb out But but what’s what’s interesting is
most of them have their thing They have like their favorites There there’s the
tweakers the you know meth addicts there’s the alcoholics there’s the potheads you know they have their
things and and and if you ever talk to somebody who’s deep into their addiction they will they will die on the heel of
that substance You talk to a marijuana like addict Oh yeah Oh man They will die
Coping Mechanisms
on the hill of how amazing marijuana is Yep Because it’s done something for them
Yep and and and the crack addicts are like there’s nothing better than that
You just got to get to that Yep Exactly Um because it it can be tailor made for you So anyways we could go on and on
Addiction is the the reason why it’s epidemic and everywhere is because it’s
so good at what it does Yeah Um and so we can say good for it That’s really
hard to say Well actually actually I think though Brandon kind of to go back to the reason why we’re doing this
episode to go along with what you’re saying is is one of the reasons why you
could learn to love your addiction is because your addiction is giving you data if you’re willing to stop and look
at the data that it’s giving And some of the data is the stuff you just said Brandon It’s like okay why do I choose
to do this kind of a behavior versus that kind of a behavior why do I love
Why do I love nitrous oxide and painkillers it says something about my
styles of addiction Yeah And you know we talk about the three styles you just mentioned There’s the satiation which is
like fill the void numb out calm down There’s the adrenaline kind which is like take risks take the uppers You know
people who shouldn’t be taking ADHD medicine but do because they like how it gives them an upper um do the illegal
sexual activity that arousal The risk is the illegal part and that’s more fun than the actually acting out itself And
then the third part is that fantasy addiction which is like I just want to escape and go to new worlds and be
creative If I understand what I’m trying to get out of my addiction I’m also now
starting to have insights into the pathway of what a wholehearted life looks like for me
So I need to build into my life because I’m a satiation and adrenaline addict I
like both I need to build in healthy forms of adrenaline into my life as a way of living And I need to build in
healthy forms of relaxation in my life as a way of living Whereas a fantasy addict is going to need to build into
their life as a way of living outlets for their creativity Right they’re going to have to be engaged actively in
creative processes as part of a wholehearted life for them So that data then gives you the some of the steps and
Celebrating Progress
pathway forward into like what what itches really need to be scratched in your life Yeah Yep You know it’s like I
think of um uh I think of a guy I was working with years ago and he
um he took on just like he took on gardening and he
got really into like um composting and things like that And he was just in the
earth just like and you know and and it really really helped him in his recovery
And and the reason is we talk about it He’s like I just love chilling out in my
garden I just love feeling the sun It’s almost relaxing to me you know and so to
me it’s like oh well his addiction he’s kind of a satiator He finds some peace He finds some quiet in his garden That’s
great Um I know Tyler for you some of your clients have started riding horses
I had one guy start creating BMX um jumps and like start he stepped into
that like he was doing that Um so yes it informs you It helps you It helps you
know yourself if you actually get curious about your addiction
Exactly We just had a comment that says I use THC in order to escape and fill
time up for boredom What is that that’s association style right it’s like “Oh
man I can’t handle being alone I got to have something to fill my time.” You can hear it He’s almost like trying to like
soak that in So what he needs in his life is he needs to say “Okay I’m going to have to submit myself to actually
creating some patterns in my life that allow me to have to learn how to be comfortable being in a relaxed state
maybe some meditation mindfulness um practices maybe laying on the lawn uh
you know just like like getting deliberate with your chilling out Um but
the other thing too Tyler that he’s saying and it’s two-sided there’s another Yeah Yeah On one on one hand
it’s it’s learn how to step into Yeah like fulfilling that On the other hand
it’s learning how to just sit in the discomfort Sit in the discomfort of the boredom Um that’s that’s the part of
Moving Forward
addiction recovery nobody wants to hear about Yeah You know you know it’s hard like on a first session when someone
comes in and they’re like “Hey I want to overcome my addiction.” And you’re like “Yeah you can get better You can live a happy life.” And then like three four
five weeks into group you start teaching them And by the way part of that half of your recovery is going to be learning
how to just deal with discomfort You know it’s Yeah Yeah How often have you heard Tyler where they’re like “God
I’ve been sober for two weeks and I’m just like feeling everything now I’m feeling bored I’m feeling stressed I’m
feeling Yeah My emotions are running I’m just feeling it all now.” Yeah They Well yeah And it’s like exactly That’s
because you trained yourself to not feel for so long right it’s all bottled up right um but but that but what you just
said there Brandon is also I think really important as to why it’s important to come to love your your
addiction is is that if you’re going to have to learn to lean into the
discomfort the addiction itself is causing a lot of the discomfort And the more you come to know it and the more
familiar you become with it and the more you aware you become of it the more you learn to be curious with it and
understand it the less it’s going to want to act out right be because because anything
that gets validated decreases right so now it’s like oh man I’m in
that board spot right now Oh no I don’t know if I can handle this It’s like I can’t even handle being in my own heads because then it turns into like thoughts
of how stupid I am and how I’m not good enough at this and I’m losing that and everything else Like I better hurry go and run away What if you got to a spot
where you could go okay that’s what my addiction did for me is it made me numb out but now I can learn to lean into
that What would you want to do for me addiction Oh I want to go smoke some weed I want to go do this I want to go
do that Okay of course you do like can you can we go in and like actually
understand what this stress really is and how it actually processes in the body Can we learn some new things to
cope with this rather than just having to disappear all the time um now I can
take that part of me the addiction is a part of me I can take it with me rather than trying to fight it I can observe
that it’s there without feeding it Tyler let’s think I’m going to give you a a
metaphor here and um it’s really it’s an interesting one
Conclusion
So okay Cuz I’m going to compare Grandma Patrick to addiction
Oh man this is going to be a big stretch Yeah Like Grandma Patrick is like the
nicest lady ever that we’ve ever met Think of best grandma in I hate to tell
everybody listening our grandma’s better than yours She was the best grandma that ever walked the face of the earth Yeah
Yeah Yeah Yeah So we’d we’d you know work all day We’d mow lawns and we’d always finish at her house and um we’d
mow our lawn and then we’d just like hang out with her for a little while And what would she
do she would be like well first she was always obsessed with wanting to feed us Yeah Like the minute we’d walk in she’d
be like “Oh you boys are here I can’t wait.” Like “Oh look at like I’ll find something to cook for And if there wasn’t anything in the house she’d like
run out to the store and then we’d be like “Grandma we don’t have a lot of time.” No no I’ll be back I’ll be back Like she’d pull out the in the deepest
part of her freezer some freez freezer burn steak Um
but okay So so she would try to feed us and and like we had just gone out to eat
We had just like So we get to her house and we’re we we were never hungry We
were never hungry And I remember a couple times like it was a hot summer day and just being like “Oh,” you know
grandma would be kind of be close to us I’d be like “What tyler you want a warm glass of milk?”
You say that out loud So grandma would just hear it at the end Oh I’ll get one Tyler’s like “No I don’t want one I
don’t want one.” No No I I’ll get one I’ll get you one I’ll get you I’ll get you what you want So um
So do you see where I’m going with this yeah Why would grandma do that why would she
feed us why would she take care of us that was that was the currency that she
had to show that she loved us Yeah she was taking care of us And I know this might feel like a a far stretch with
addiction We didn’t need the food Like really I didn’t I didn’t want it I didn’t want like a hot like a really hot
meal on a summer afternoon right and uh you know half an hour after we ate
out after after you loaded up on a hot lamp Yeah You know like we we didn’t
want that And yet she was trying to help us trying to take care of us trying to
make sure that we were we were okay And heaven forbid you say no to her Oh she
would like Yeah You can’t say no So but but I think the the what what I
want to look at here is it’s kind of similar of like I know her intentions
are to help me Thank you And I don’t need what you’re trying
to give me Right Right It’s that same thing And I still love you And I love
you And and when you say you love your addiction you are saying that you love a
part of you And I believe Tyler it’s healthy to love every part of you
including your addiction Um so it would be okay to go to grandma while she’s in the kitchen
and we’re sitting down for a minute and just say “Hey grandma what we’d really prefer is just come sit down in the
chair and visit with us for a minute and watch Seven Brides for Seven Brothers.”
Yeah Just just sit here We’re okay We’re We just want to be with you We We know
you love us Yeah Um I t if you know I don’t need the warm glass of milk Like I
know you love me You did that to me way too much by the way Um I don’t need the warm glass of milk
to know that you love me I know you love me Um and and think about if if and we didn’t we weren’t mature enough to
actually you know have those type of conversations No we never did that with her Um but if if we did she’d probably
probably bring her to tears Yeah Um she’d probably just be like “Oh okay
Thanks.” Like “Yeah I’ll just sit here with you guys and hang out.”
Um and your addiction can do the same thing I see you I understand you’re
trying to protect me I know you’re giving me this massive craving that I can’t seem to kick and overcome And like
man you are pushing hard right now Yeah And you don’t have to do anything Yeah
You don’t have to do anything Thank you for pushing so hard You can come along but you don’t have to do anything Yeah
We’re good Yeah Cuz I But but in order to do that you have to build trust in yourself
Right Right Right Um
so like going into this place of loving your addiction it’s it’s it’s way opposite
than saying “I love my addict addiction therefore I will indulge.”
Right Yeah In fact in fact the pathway is is that when you unbburden the addiction by getting curious and
compassionate with it it needs to indulge less
Yeah that that’s key Say that again When you when you engage with your addiction
in a way that you can be curious and compassionate to it it needs to indulge
less because it doesn’t have to scream as loud to be seen Yeah I I was working
with a guy who was compulsively masturbating It was like I don’t know like three or four times a
day And he did this He he stopped But
for for for a long time he was fighting He was like “Why do I do this i want to stop I’m you know I’m hiding it from my
wife I’m you know just fight fight fight.” And he stopped and he was like “Oh you know what i’m going to
acknowledge and accept that it’s there I’m going to love it.” And it was
so interesting because something about him doing that unbburdened that part so much so
that he stopped masturbating It was crazy That’s all he needed All he needed
was like “Hey like it’s like this screaming child like you’re okay I see you I love you.” Yeah And then then the
child rests Yeah I think acknowledging that the the pain that’s there and what
it’s trying to do for you it’s like it’s a famous quote that like Marshall Lanahan says in DBT that says the worst
thing that any any emotion can do which is what the addiction is It’s emotionally driven The worst thing it
can make you do is feel And in addiction people feel like they lose their sense of choice But in
reality what they do is they just establish a habit that makes them not realize they’re choosing And what they
can choose is they can choose to go towards the part that’s yelling without having to act on it Right and and
instead of trying to kill it and fight it when you try to kill it and fight it it will grow and it will fuel more shame
And that shame will lead you to want to act out more Or you can go towards it with eyes of curiosity compassion and
healthy boundaries and invite it into new space with you Yep that you know uh
Dick Schwarz nailed the name of his book um No Bad Parts and that includes your addictions
Your addictions are protective parts They’re specifically firefighter parts
sometimes even managers but they like no bad parts Your addiction isn’t bad Um it
just is overactive over responsive And so in
order to have it not act up so much you need to unbburden it through love That’s
right It’s like dealing with a kid I used to work with kids in my internship
up in Idaho when I was in graduate school And you’d spend like anywhere from 10 to 20 hours a week with each kid
That was my job And you were teaching them skills and life skills and kind of being a mentor and a support And I had
this one kid who had something called reactive attachment disorder And in reactive attachment disorder
basically it forms when you it comes from like a really bad upbringing neglectful family and there’s no secure
attachments that are formed And in some ways with a kid like that they throw those big big big fits And then
sometimes you love them and the closer you get to them and the more you love them then they throw a big fit But if you you know but then if you ignore them
then they make a big problem and throw a big fit So either way you’re always dealing with a big fit And what I
learned with this kid is that I had to learn how to hold just the right space where I was there and I always said how
much I cared for him I always said how much I loved him I always said how grateful I was to work with him
And I had to hold the boundaries when he’d start we’d be in some public somewhere or something and he’d start
throwing stuff or kicking and yelling and screaming and I’d have to like we’re done But I had to hold the boundary in a
loving way because if I got angry and bitter and frustrated it would amp him up even further Yeah If I did nothing
then he would run rampant and cause all sorts of damage But I had to have that
structure and boundaries along with the love And that’s what we that’s what we can do with our own addictions right yes
Um Tyler it’s been a fun discussion Um it’s fun to kind of get in the weeds
with addiction stuff and I’m I’m I’m so glad that you know you’ve done so much
of this work and we’ve we’ve kind of seen everything and um we’ve gone
through you know early on like trying fighting directly against it and it
doesn’t work And so we we we talk about this from years of experience Um so I
hope this was helpful for anybody listening I really appreciate the people who joined us on YouTube Uh love getting
um love getting your comments and and your participation And so uh don’t be shy
Join us on YouTube Come subscribe if you haven’t Um it’s therapy brothers Just type that in YouTube You’ll find us
there And until next time keep on keeping on

Ready To Take The Next Step In Your Healing Journey?