Why Should You “EMBRACE The Suck”?

In this episode, Therapy Brothers discusses the importance of accepting and facing difficult situations head-on as a means of personal growth. By embracing challenges and discomfort, individuals can build resilience and develop a stronger mindset. The message encourages viewers to shift their perspective on adversity, seeing it as an opportunity for improvement rather than a setback.

Transcript (Tap to Toggle)
why should you embrace the
suck Randon what’s going on man how you
doing uh I’m doing well I you know I’m a
bit
discombobulated this morning
but
yeah but we’re getting it together we’re
getting it together a little bit at a
time here we’re we’re about 35 minutes
late on our normal recording time today
but we got it in and that’s 100% on me
so
um but uh but we’re here we’re doing it
um and uh we’re actually doing an
episode that I think is very applicable
to All Things
recovery um but we got the title of it
from your shirt that you were wearing on
Monday I think yeah I think I actually
wore that shirt on Monday yeah yeah so I
I had one of my uh one of my other
therapists my friends he gave it to me
for Christmas and all it says is embrace
the suck on the front of it and uh and I
think he did that because he’s been
hunting with me a couple of times and
there have been a couple of times when
we’ve been at the top of a mountain
still six miles away from the truck
after spending you know eight or 10
What It Means
miles hiking around and going what are
we going to do with ourselves today like
this is going to suck so yeah
well I I think uh yeah yeah I I was
texting someone just the other day and I
said and I don’t know if this makes any
sense but I said I think I think there’s
there’s proof that God exists some way
and the proof is this is why is misery
or discomfort good for you like why why
what would the point of that
be and and I’m like I think that I think
that’s proof Pro that God exists now the
the the reason it’s proof is
because like you if you get too
comfortable and you don’t have crappy
things going on in your life then you
suffer and bad things happen so
therefore in your life you actually have
to choose to go step into the suck in
order for um you to be
healthy and I think God set that up that
way so that we’re in a continual state
of growth we’re in a continual state of
Facing Challenges
learning because that’s the nature of
this life and once we get too
comfortable we’re not growing in
learning anymore there’s consequences to
that and we’re pushed back into the
learning whether we like it or not um do
do you see what I’m saying Tyler yeah so
you’re saying
that so the fact that you suffer and
struggle is I’m kind of having a picture
of like the yin-yang coming to my mind
where there’s the peace and the joy and
the love and the knowledge of who you
are and the like Bliss that comes with
certain parts of life and then on the
other side of it there’s the pain the
struggle the the down times the boredom
the the suck and you’re saying that the
suck is just as much evidence that
there’s a higher power to you as the
Bliss that comes from connecting to your
higher power knowing that you’re loved
because the suck is what
facilitates inspires motivates
us to grow and change I get yeah I guess
what I’m saying and I’m not saying you
know oh well I guess what I’m saying is
that we cannot
avoid pain we cannot avoid
Growth Through Discomfort
discomfort and um that is the nature of
this life like it it’s going to happen
in some form or fashion and then and so
then I take it a step further to like
okay then what’s the point is the is the
point just to just to live in the suck
is it just to be miserable I don’t think
so um if I let’s say Tyler I get really
really comfortable in some way in my
life um let’s say it’s
money and so I have a a billion dollars
in the bank and I wake up and I just
don’t do anything every day because it’s
like I’m not motivated I got to a
billion bucks in the bank and I lay
around watch TV relax eat food that
tastes really good play video games play
video games what’s going to
happen um you’re going to get sedentary
obese diabetic
depressed and uh and you know what’s
going to come is some pain and
discomfort so like just when I think
that I got it all figured out and I’m
comfortable if I sit around and be too
comfortable then be
Real-Life Examples
uncomfortable you see what I’m saying
like you cannot avoid it and I think
that’s proof that God is like look
you’re going down there to learn you’re
going down there to grow you’re going
down there to
develop um whether you like it or not
and if you get caught in your your
comfort zones for too long you’ll get
kicked out of them you’ll get booted out
of them um really that’s what addiction
is all
about addiction is just someone’s
ability to avoid the
suck it’s an attempt to escape all of
the suck of Life at the cost of what
creating a bunch of hard stuff in their
life yeah yeah it does it creates more
hard stuff but then they just keep
running from it and the more they run
from it the more they suffer it reminds
me of you know all of us have heard this
quote before mom used to quote it to us
all the time when we were kids that pain
is mandatory but misery is optional MH
and the misery comes when we refuse to
accept the reality that life includes
pain and we try to run from it or hide
from it or avoid it which then in turn
actually causes more suffering and
misery than whatever the pain of life is
that’s in front of us anyway y because
because we’re going to have to deal with
it anyway and now the running from it is
Mindset Shift
taking all of our resources and our
energy and our time to try to not live
in the reality of the world that we live
in and uh yeah it’s it’s an interesting
it’s an interesting thing and this is
something that’s I think hard for people
to grasp and it’s hard for people to
want to grasp when they come into say
they they’re coming from a very painful
place already like there’s been some
kind of a big breach of trust there’s
been some massive trauma there’s been
like years of addiction um and they come
into say your office and what they’re
looking for is hope they’re looking for
like hey tell me there’s a way out of
this and that I don’t have to suffer
like this the rest of my life and you
can look at them and here’s where the
dialectic comes in you can look at them
and say there is absolutely hope you can
absolutely have a better life you can
enjoy your life more and what they
interpret in here is I’ll arrive at some
future destination where all I
experience is
bliss right because that’s kind of what
that’s what they’re looking for and
that’s what we kind of tell them in a
certain sense like your life is going to
get better right but what we don’t tell
them is is that half of recovery at
least is developing skills to manage
pain in life and accept that there will
still be pain pain in life even when
Building Resilience
you’re doing things right even when
you’re living a good life when you’re
living according to your principles you
cannot avoid that there will be pain and
discomfort in life and if you develop
the skills for that because you know
that that’s going to be part of life and
then you Embrace that that’s going to be
a part of life and then you go even a
step further and embrace that those
things will actually teach you and mold
you and shift you and allow you
experience then you can actually lean
into those things and all of those bad
things can actually work
for your good rather than to your
detriment yep I’ve been uh I’ve been
going to the gym lately can you tell oh
absolutely I take off that
[Laughter]
flannel so the gym I go to I think is
the world’s most crowded
gym me probably you probably go at like
I bet you go at like 6: in the morning
too like when everybody body else who
goes to the gym goes as well oh it
doesn’t matter that gym it is Chuck full
all the time just and uh and people ask
me like when I tell them I go there or
whatever they’re like uh yuck you know
and I’m like no I like going there and I
like going there because to me I I don’t
Overcoming Fear
like other people don’t trigger my shame
or anything like that and I get around
people who are really good at embracing
the suck and it motivates me so when
when I see that guy who’s really fit and
he’s consistent every day showing up at
the gym that guy has learned how to
embrace it that guy feels pain every
single time he works out every time just
like anybody else but just like you were
saying Tyler he has learned how to step
into it time and time again and he’s
embraced that that’s part of life that
that going working out that’s that’s how
you stay healthy he’s embraced that
and um he’s done he he does it over and
over again now there might be other
parts of his life where he’s avoiding um
where it’s too difficult you know um but
when it comes to his physical fitness
and his physical health he’s willing to
feel that pain almost on a daily basis
in order to be healthy
yeah my wife and I were going to the gym
every day a while back and every day
when we would get there I’d kind of
Adversity and Success
follow my own routine I was doing a
certain kind of routine to try to help
my strength and flexibility my legs and
my hips with my you know my surgeries
and stuff I’d go start my routine and
then Rihanna would start her routine and
every single day there was a lady that
would come in she would get there just
right before us she jump on the
treadmill and she’d start running and
then she would run for like way longer
than me or Rihanna would work out and
she would keep amping her speed up jeez
and and I would get long I’m trying to
do like a mile or two a day you know and
she’s already gone for like seven or
eight miles and I get on the treadmill
next to her whatever like look over
she’s going almost twice my speed and
she’s just got this smile on her face
like just like and you can tell it’s
hurting like you can tell it’s burning
she just has this big smile on her face
and I remember one day walking out with
my wife we get in the car and she’s like
did you see that lady on the treadmill
I’m like yeah she’s there every day
she’s like I know she smiles the whole
time like what the heck is up with her
like this sucks like why she smile the
whole time you know and and both of us
are like yeah why is she doing that and
then after going a couple more times I’m
sitting there thinking like she Embraces
the suck like she purposely sends
herself to the gym to struggle every day
Practical Tips
and she puts a smile on her face and she
I’m guessing she has to do that because
she knows what she’s doing for
herself right and something that’s
interesting about this kind of principle
is is that we actually have some
research that’s starting to catch up to
principle mhm that uh that if you look
at things that are uncomfortable in your
life whatever it is if you wake up in
the morning and you have a to-do list
and there’s one thing on that to-do list
you really don’t want to do if you
choose to do that one first or if you
wake up every morning and you choose to
get into a vat of cold water or you
choose to go to the gym or you choose to
put your running shoes on and go out for
a run or you even even just choosing to
wake up early choose to get out of bed
right when your alarm clock goes off off
when people see the uncomfortable thing
in front of them and they choose it it
actually expands certain parts of the
brain that allow you to build your pain
tolerance so in essence what you’re
doing is the more you embrace the choice
of something uncomfortable the more you
exercise the the muscle so to speak that
allows you to then live life in
uncomfortable ways and not
suffer um and that’s that’s kind of
Conclusion
fascinating that we’re starting to see
that even on a physiological cellular
level we are kind of wired for this um
the other thing that happens is is that
you know if you’ve listened to Dr anmy
talk about dopamine and how it works the
brain is constantly trying to balance
itself out so if we spend all our time
trying to push the lever of pleasure the
body is naturally going to start pushing
the lever of pain and that’s why
addiction works that way because it
makes you feel lower than when you were
higher but if you actually go and do it
in reverse and you push the lever of
pain in a healthy way then the brain
will naturally balance itself out and
kick in with the dopamine that will
actually give you drive desire other
things and so if you if you choose the
discomfort you’re actually working
against the addictive process because
you’re using the brain in the way it was
designed to bring you back up when you
go through struggle yep yep we and and
we’re talking just to just to clarify
here there’s a difference
between I go and I sit in pain when I
when I work out so to speak um and I go
intentionally cause myself harm and pain
right um embrace the suck is not
sabotaging yourself it’s not hurting
yourself it’s none of that stuff that’s
not what we’re talking about what it is
is it’s choosing hard stuff it’s
choosing the hard thing for the more
effective outcome yeah the shortterm
pain for the long-term benefit um and
and it it applies to everything it
applies like we’ve been talking about to
your physical health it implies it
applies to having difficult
conversations with family members um it
applies to taking risks with business um
I I could go on and on um it’s stepping
into the discomfort sitting in that
discomfort for a while and not running
away and hiding and just trying to stay
comfortable right it’s just really
really really hard to do that and most
of us are wired to think of that kind of
discomfort and pain in an aversive kind
of a way like I want to I want to avoid
that at all costs you know if you if you
look at sort of the tenants of what
suffering is in like
Buddhism there’s several things but two
of the things that cause the most
suffering in life according to this is
either craving so when I have cravings I
have suffering or when I have aversion
which is pushing away from hating
avoiding and if I’m spending all my time
in aversion or craving I am actually
spending my life in
suffering yes that’s interesting I mean
you just outed everybody who’s who’s uh
scrolling all day
long well that’s that’s probably
probably element of both while they’re
drinking their soda yeah drinking yeah
it’s like one one episode we did a long
time ago that we had people mad at us
for it’s like why do men Love porn video
games and Mountain Dew like um what that
is is that’s the pursuit of craving and
aversion to whatever is in front of them
in life it’s both it’s both it’s both
yeah that’s why it’s so effective and
yet that’s what suffering is and that’s
what that’s what creates suffering and
and if they could step into the suck
then they wouldn’t have the suffering um
now when we talk about the suffering
it’s it’s feelings of depression it’s
feelings of a lack of productivity a
lack of purpose in life disconnection
from others loneliness loneliness like
so so it’s like well in the short term I
can scroll and I can drink my soda and I
can
feel okay I can feel good in the long
run it starts to have those consequences
which creates the suffering which
creates the
struggle not to say that everybody who
Scrolls and drinks soda you know is like
a raging addict or anything like that um
well well but the question really is
though is is that in what ways you know
for any of our listeners in what ways
are you actually finding yourself in
either craving or
aversion right what are you what are you
avoiding and and what does it lead to in
terms of craving and if you’re in either
side of that chances are you’re actually
suffering more than what this particular
moment has to offer you right now anyway
yep yep I’ll tell you what Tyler for me
just personally um high stress for me
leads
to um watching a lot of TV and eating a
lot of junk
food right
so it’s a trigger for me and it’s so
much easier to um I I I get cravings
when I’m highly
stressed and I avert by using those
things
so so when you look at high stress then
it’s like okay I’m I’m doing my own
therapy here for a second
um you look at high stress then it’s
like okay what does it mean to actually
step into that what does it mean to
actually deal with it um because if I’m
stressed out and I am low energy because
my you know blood sugar spike in every
which way because I’m eating horrible
food and I’m just trying trying to watch
the next show and not think about the
stress what is that going to do to my
stress
levels yeah it’s going to amplify it
right so so to embrace the the
discomfort would be to actually really
look at what I’m stressed
about and look look to see what it means
to deal with that actually acknowledge
it and that’s what I think we mean when
we say people need to sit in their pain
it’s like they need to go suffer just
for suffering sake it’s like when you
become aware of what it is that’s
causing the pain then you can also make
a choice about what to do with that pain
yes rather rather than and going into
and through that pain is going to
produce a better outcome long term than
trying to avoid it yes um but that’s
hard because that takes that takes
Consciousness and intention the
automatic part of us will just naturally
gravitate towards you know know
avoidance or pursuit of something else
um because that’s kind of how we’re just
naturally wired and so it takes the real
effort to practice mindfulness
Consciousness awareness and
intention yeah go ahead oh I was gonna
say just think about how many times over
the years for
me where someone comes a group and they
we we get to a place in group where it’s
really vulner vulnerable and and they
they out themselves with something that
they’ve never told they’ carrying their
whole life yeah and and it’s like oh it
makes so much sense why you’ve been
numbing out um your shame makes so much
sense and a lot of times when they out
themselves they you know they’ll admit
like hey I acted out with a neighbor or
I was sexually abused as a child or they
they’ll they’ll out it and they’ll say
it and the group is like
we love you it’s okay so glad you shared
me too I’m so glad and they’re like I’ve
carried this for 35 years like I’ve I’ve
run from this inside myself yeah this
has been this thing that has just in so
many ways destroyed me And yet when I
come out with it it’s really
anticlimactic about all the fears of
rejection and abandonment and all those
things and it’s just met with like some
love like and you you can see in this
example
right they’re running they’re averting
they’re hiding they’re numbing because
they’re scared to turn and face it and
when they they come to a group and they
turn and they face this difficult
thing um and they actually have the
courage to say it out loud to look at
people in the eye and deal with it
relief peace
um love starts to happen for them um and
all the stories that they had learned
from the shame for the all those years
starts to go away but they have to turn
and embrace the discomfort in order to
get that payout they have to and as long
as they keep running and running and
running they’re going to keep numbing
and numbing and
numbing that’s that’s exactly right and
and that takes awareness and intention
and a willingness to and and sometimes
the development of some skills to then
turn back in and face the discomfort
that is there when you actually face it
there’s discomfort when a guy comes to
group he’s been sitting on it all week
he knows he’s going to present this
thing he’s finally going to speak it out
loud there’s all sorts of discomfort
inside of that yep and then there’s the
discomfort of having let it go into that
universe and go like I don’t know what’s
going to happen vulnerability hangover
and then if it goes well it gets held if
it doesn’t go well that makes it even
harder but either way then that guy has
to leave that group and get in his car
and sit down in his car and turn on the
engine and go what did I just say I know
like oh my gosh did I really just do
that like so there’s this vulnerability
hangover that comes afterwards the
discomfort of having to sit with that
and and kind of Rectify yourself saying
man like I did do that I did say those
things and and the truth is is that’s
part of my history and I it’s it is what
it is um there’s discomfort in all of
that so so so there’s a reason why we’re
trying to avoid it but if you do that
that’s how you
grow and that’s how that’s how you
suffer less that’s how you take what was
a 20 or 30 years secret that was eating
you alive from the inside out and you
wake up after you’ve started to come to
owning this you wake up in the morning
knowing that that’s a part of your
history and learning how to not have
shame around it and look yourself in the
mirror and still like what you see and
you can liberate yourself from that
burden that you’ve been carrying for
years y um but it’s through it it’s
through the embracing of it yep the only
way to the other side is
through um you know Lan’s fa famous well
quote that I love um the pathway out of
hell is through
misery and instead of um instead of
facing the misery oftentimes we just
choose to fall back into
hell um and and that sucks like that
sounds pretty hopeless that’s like a
pathway out of hell is through misery um
but there’s a there’s a payout to it
there’s this beautiful thing that
happens that
misery is what gives you your wisdom um
it informs your purpose in life it helps
you understand a deeper level of self
and who you truly are and so there’s
huge opportunity in dealing with the
pain dealing with the misery that gives
you Enlightenment that gives you peace
that gives you so many things and so the
misery is actually awesome
the pain is actually a blessing in so
many
ways I’d say the pain and the misery is
like the flame and the Lessons Learned
is like the gold that gets sort of
purified through it oh man look at you
pull that analogy out yeah I don’t I
don’t know that most people are going to
wake up and be like how can I how can I
be in misery today and yet if people
understood that principle and we able to
see it that way they might choose it
more often because they start to
recognize that there is an actual payoff
especially when it’s treated with the
right
mindset right so right well I and I
think you the thing you just said right
there Tyler is awesome is when somebody
can get to that point with that growth
mindset of life like like I’m talking
about growth mindset to the furthest
degree um then you become so
open to Life’s
experiences and you become so resilient
to um to to to life really you’re not
going to suffer because you literally
are excited to see what comes next
you’re excited to learn you’re excited
to grow um when the hard thing happens
it’s like opportunity this is amazing I
want this um and you can actually truly
get there I know people that live that
way and it’s it’s
incredible yep yeah it’s hard it’s hard
to find people that live that way
consistently but those that do are the
ones that you sort of gravitate to
they’re also the ones that have really
amazing stories they have amazing
Stories they’ve created amazing things
um yeah they have amazing Stories
because they’ve been living in the ring
yeah they get in there and they they
they actually create life experience
that’s fascinating to hear and learn
from yeah um they’re not afraid yeah so
um Tyler it’s it’s it’s kind of a
miracle that we’ve got gotten through
this whole episode and haven’t brought
up cold plunging um I think I I think I
actually did say it at one point I know
people get sick of it because we both of
us talk about it all the time all the
time um so we’re not GNA like flush that
out here I think they get it they get it
they they’re already cringing waiting
for you to explain all the benefits
again I’m not gonna do it but um yeah
just another way to embrace the
[Laughter]
suck wait a way to slide that in there
yeah so um Brandon why don’t you tell
them I know that you just barely started
and I know it’s you’re only leaving it
open for a couple more weeks tell them
about your the men’s group that you just
started yeah um it is open for like
three more weeks um it’s uh it’s the
healing Journey so all of the content
that Tyler and I have put together um it
the journey is on so I only open a group
up about about once a year um this
journey we we go we step into we embrace
the suck um but we also learn deep
truths about
yourself um we cross thresholds we uh
it’s recovery on the deepest levels and
um it’s awesome so if you want to check
it out I think you can find it at the
Brandon Patrick show.com um there’s a
link there to the healing
journey and um you can you can apply
there and again it’s only open for the
next 3 weeks uh we actually started it
last week but it’s open for about a
month and then it closes so please come
join me it’s it’s a journey and it uh
it’s awesome yeah so yeah if you’re
ready to embrace the suck in a really
really good way that’s the way to do it
yeah so um thank you for being with us
hopefully this is Meaningful hopefully
it’s helpful
for those of you listening whatever’s in
front of you that you know is in front
of you that’s going to be uncomfortable
that you need to face you’re going to
learn more and suffer less if you step
into it today and uh until next time you
guys keep on keeping on

Why Should You “EMBRACE The Suck”?

Ready To Take The Next Step In Your Healing Journey?