In this episode, Therapy Brothers discusses the importance of accepting and facing difficult situations head-on as a means of personal growth. By embracing challenges and discomfort, individuals can build resilience and develop a stronger mindset. The message encourages viewers to shift their perspective on adversity, seeing it as an opportunity for improvement rather than a setback.
Transcript (Tap to Toggle) why should you embrace the suck Randon what’s going on man how you doing uh I’m doing well I you know I’m a bit discombobulated this morning but yeah but we’re getting it together we’re getting it together a little bit at a time here we’re we’re about 35 minutes late on our normal recording time today but we got it in and that’s 100% on me so um but uh but we’re here we’re doing it um and uh we’re actually doing an episode that I think is very applicable to All Things recovery um but we got the title of it from your shirt that you were wearing on Monday I think yeah I think I actually wore that shirt on Monday yeah yeah so I I had one of my uh one of my other therapists my friends he gave it to me for Christmas and all it says is embrace the suck on the front of it and uh and I think he did that because he’s been hunting with me a couple of times and there have been a couple of times when we’ve been at the top of a mountain still six miles away from the truck after spending you know eight or 10 What It Means miles hiking around and going what are we going to do with ourselves today like this is going to suck so yeah well I I think uh yeah yeah I I was texting someone just the other day and I said and I don’t know if this makes any sense but I said I think I think there’s there’s proof that God exists some way and the proof is this is why is misery or discomfort good for you like why why what would the point of that be and and I’m like I think that I think that’s proof Pro that God exists now the the the reason it’s proof is because like you if you get too comfortable and you don’t have crappy things going on in your life then you suffer and bad things happen so therefore in your life you actually have to choose to go step into the suck in order for um you to be healthy and I think God set that up that way so that we’re in a continual state of growth we’re in a continual state of Facing Challenges learning because that’s the nature of this life and once we get too comfortable we’re not growing in learning anymore there’s consequences to that and we’re pushed back into the learning whether we like it or not um do do you see what I’m saying Tyler yeah so you’re saying that so the fact that you suffer and struggle is I’m kind of having a picture of like the yin-yang coming to my mind where there’s the peace and the joy and the love and the knowledge of who you are and the like Bliss that comes with certain parts of life and then on the other side of it there’s the pain the struggle the the down times the boredom the the suck and you’re saying that the suck is just as much evidence that there’s a higher power to you as the Bliss that comes from connecting to your higher power knowing that you’re loved because the suck is what facilitates inspires motivates us to grow and change I get yeah I guess what I’m saying and I’m not saying you know oh well I guess what I’m saying is that we cannot avoid pain we cannot avoid Growth Through Discomfort discomfort and um that is the nature of this life like it it’s going to happen in some form or fashion and then and so then I take it a step further to like okay then what’s the point is the is the point just to just to live in the suck is it just to be miserable I don’t think so um if I let’s say Tyler I get really really comfortable in some way in my life um let’s say it’s money and so I have a a billion dollars in the bank and I wake up and I just don’t do anything every day because it’s like I’m not motivated I got to a billion bucks in the bank and I lay around watch TV relax eat food that tastes really good play video games play video games what’s going to happen um you’re going to get sedentary obese diabetic depressed and uh and you know what’s going to come is some pain and discomfort so like just when I think that I got it all figured out and I’m comfortable if I sit around and be too comfortable then be Real-Life Examples uncomfortable you see what I’m saying like you cannot avoid it and I think that’s proof that God is like look you’re going down there to learn you’re going down there to grow you’re going down there to develop um whether you like it or not and if you get caught in your your comfort zones for too long you’ll get kicked out of them you’ll get booted out of them um really that’s what addiction is all about addiction is just someone’s ability to avoid the suck it’s an attempt to escape all of the suck of Life at the cost of what creating a bunch of hard stuff in their life yeah yeah it does it creates more hard stuff but then they just keep running from it and the more they run from it the more they suffer it reminds me of you know all of us have heard this quote before mom used to quote it to us all the time when we were kids that pain is mandatory but misery is optional MH and the misery comes when we refuse to accept the reality that life includes pain and we try to run from it or hide from it or avoid it which then in turn actually causes more suffering and misery than whatever the pain of life is that’s in front of us anyway y because because we’re going to have to deal with it anyway and now the running from it is Mindset Shift taking all of our resources and our energy and our time to try to not live in the reality of the world that we live in and uh yeah it’s it’s an interesting it’s an interesting thing and this is something that’s I think hard for people to grasp and it’s hard for people to want to grasp when they come into say they they’re coming from a very painful place already like there’s been some kind of a big breach of trust there’s been some massive trauma there’s been like years of addiction um and they come into say your office and what they’re looking for is hope they’re looking for like hey tell me there’s a way out of this and that I don’t have to suffer like this the rest of my life and you can look at them and here’s where the dialectic comes in you can look at them and say there is absolutely hope you can absolutely have a better life you can enjoy your life more and what they interpret in here is I’ll arrive at some future destination where all I experience is bliss right because that’s kind of what that’s what they’re looking for and that’s what we kind of tell them in a certain sense like your life is going to get better right but what we don’t tell them is is that half of recovery at least is developing skills to manage pain in life and accept that there will still be pain pain in life even when Building Resilience you’re doing things right even when you’re living a good life when you’re living according to your principles you cannot avoid that there will be pain and discomfort in life and if you develop the skills for that because you know that that’s going to be part of life and then you Embrace that that’s going to be a part of life and then you go even a step further and embrace that those things will actually teach you and mold you and shift you and allow you experience then you can actually lean into those things and all of those bad things can actually work for your good rather than to your detriment yep I’ve been uh I’ve been going to the gym lately can you tell oh absolutely I take off that [Laughter] flannel so the gym I go to I think is the world’s most crowded gym me probably you probably go at like I bet you go at like 6: in the morning too like when everybody body else who goes to the gym goes as well oh it doesn’t matter that gym it is Chuck full all the time just and uh and people ask me like when I tell them I go there or whatever they’re like uh yuck you know and I’m like no I like going there and I like going there because to me I I don’t Overcoming Fear like other people don’t trigger my shame or anything like that and I get around people who are really good at embracing the suck and it motivates me so when when I see that guy who’s really fit and he’s consistent every day showing up at the gym that guy has learned how to embrace it that guy feels pain every single time he works out every time just like anybody else but just like you were saying Tyler he has learned how to step into it time and time again and he’s embraced that that’s part of life that that going working out that’s that’s how you stay healthy he’s embraced that and um he’s done he he does it over and over again now there might be other parts of his life where he’s avoiding um where it’s too difficult you know um but when it comes to his physical fitness and his physical health he’s willing to feel that pain almost on a daily basis in order to be healthy yeah my wife and I were going to the gym every day a while back and every day when we would get there I’d kind of Adversity and Success follow my own routine I was doing a certain kind of routine to try to help my strength and flexibility my legs and my hips with my you know my surgeries and stuff I’d go start my routine and then Rihanna would start her routine and every single day there was a lady that would come in she would get there just right before us she jump on the treadmill and she’d start running and then she would run for like way longer than me or Rihanna would work out and she would keep amping her speed up jeez and and I would get long I’m trying to do like a mile or two a day you know and she’s already gone for like seven or eight miles and I get on the treadmill next to her whatever like look over she’s going almost twice my speed and she’s just got this smile on her face like just like and you can tell it’s hurting like you can tell it’s burning she just has this big smile on her face and I remember one day walking out with my wife we get in the car and she’s like did you see that lady on the treadmill I’m like yeah she’s there every day she’s like I know she smiles the whole time like what the heck is up with her like this sucks like why she smile the whole time you know and and both of us are like yeah why is she doing that and then after going a couple more times I’m sitting there thinking like she Embraces the suck like she purposely sends herself to the gym to struggle every day Practical Tips and she puts a smile on her face and she I’m guessing she has to do that because she knows what she’s doing for herself right and something that’s interesting about this kind of principle is is that we actually have some research that’s starting to catch up to principle mhm that uh that if you look at things that are uncomfortable in your life whatever it is if you wake up in the morning and you have a to-do list and there’s one thing on that to-do list you really don’t want to do if you choose to do that one first or if you wake up every morning and you choose to get into a vat of cold water or you choose to go to the gym or you choose to put your running shoes on and go out for a run or you even even just choosing to wake up early choose to get out of bed right when your alarm clock goes off off when people see the uncomfortable thing in front of them and they choose it it actually expands certain parts of the brain that allow you to build your pain tolerance so in essence what you’re doing is the more you embrace the choice of something uncomfortable the more you exercise the the muscle so to speak that allows you to then live life in uncomfortable ways and not suffer um and that’s that’s kind of Conclusion fascinating that we’re starting to see that even on a physiological cellular level we are kind of wired for this um the other thing that happens is is that you know if you’ve listened to Dr anmy talk about dopamine and how it works the brain is constantly trying to balance itself out so if we spend all our time trying to push the lever of pleasure the body is naturally going to start pushing the lever of pain and that’s why addiction works that way because it makes you feel lower than when you were higher but if you actually go and do it in reverse and you push the lever of pain in a healthy way then the brain will naturally balance itself out and kick in with the dopamine that will actually give you drive desire other things and so if you if you choose the discomfort you’re actually working against the addictive process because you’re using the brain in the way it was designed to bring you back up when you go through struggle yep yep we and and we’re talking just to just to clarify here there’s a difference between I go and I sit in pain when I when I work out so to speak um and I go intentionally cause myself harm and pain right um embrace the suck is not sabotaging yourself it’s not hurting yourself it’s none of that stuff that’s not what we’re talking about what it is is it’s choosing hard stuff it’s choosing the hard thing for the more effective outcome yeah the shortterm pain for the long-term benefit um and and it it applies to everything it applies like we’ve been talking about to your physical health it implies it applies to having difficult conversations with family members um it applies to taking risks with business um I I could go on and on um it’s stepping into the discomfort sitting in that discomfort for a while and not running away and hiding and just trying to stay comfortable right it’s just really really really hard to do that and most of us are wired to think of that kind of discomfort and pain in an aversive kind of a way like I want to I want to avoid that at all costs you know if you if you look at sort of the tenants of what suffering is in like Buddhism there’s several things but two of the things that cause the most suffering in life according to this is either craving so when I have cravings I have suffering or when I have aversion which is pushing away from hating avoiding and if I’m spending all my time in aversion or craving I am actually spending my life in suffering yes that’s interesting I mean you just outed everybody who’s who’s uh scrolling all day long well that’s that’s probably probably element of both while they’re drinking their soda yeah drinking yeah it’s like one one episode we did a long time ago that we had people mad at us for it’s like why do men Love porn video games and Mountain Dew like um what that is is that’s the pursuit of craving and aversion to whatever is in front of them in life it’s both it’s both it’s both yeah that’s why it’s so effective and yet that’s what suffering is and that’s what that’s what creates suffering and and if they could step into the suck then they wouldn’t have the suffering um now when we talk about the suffering it’s it’s feelings of depression it’s feelings of a lack of productivity a lack of purpose in life disconnection from others loneliness loneliness like so so it’s like well in the short term I can scroll and I can drink my soda and I can feel okay I can feel good in the long run it starts to have those consequences which creates the suffering which creates the struggle not to say that everybody who Scrolls and drinks soda you know is like a raging addict or anything like that um well well but the question really is though is is that in what ways you know for any of our listeners in what ways are you actually finding yourself in either craving or aversion right what are you what are you avoiding and and what does it lead to in terms of craving and if you’re in either side of that chances are you’re actually suffering more than what this particular moment has to offer you right now anyway yep yep I’ll tell you what Tyler for me just personally um high stress for me leads to um watching a lot of TV and eating a lot of junk food right so it’s a trigger for me and it’s so much easier to um I I I get cravings when I’m highly stressed and I avert by using those things so so when you look at high stress then it’s like okay I’m I’m doing my own therapy here for a second um you look at high stress then it’s like okay what does it mean to actually step into that what does it mean to actually deal with it um because if I’m stressed out and I am low energy because my you know blood sugar spike in every which way because I’m eating horrible food and I’m just trying trying to watch the next show and not think about the stress what is that going to do to my stress levels yeah it’s going to amplify it right so so to embrace the the discomfort would be to actually really look at what I’m stressed about and look look to see what it means to deal with that actually acknowledge it and that’s what I think we mean when we say people need to sit in their pain it’s like they need to go suffer just for suffering sake it’s like when you become aware of what it is that’s causing the pain then you can also make a choice about what to do with that pain yes rather rather than and going into and through that pain is going to produce a better outcome long term than trying to avoid it yes um but that’s hard because that takes that takes Consciousness and intention the automatic part of us will just naturally gravitate towards you know know avoidance or pursuit of something else um because that’s kind of how we’re just naturally wired and so it takes the real effort to practice mindfulness Consciousness awareness and intention yeah go ahead oh I was gonna say just think about how many times over the years for me where someone comes a group and they we we get to a place in group where it’s really vulner vulnerable and and they they out themselves with something that they’ve never told they’ carrying their whole life yeah and and it’s like oh it makes so much sense why you’ve been numbing out um your shame makes so much sense and a lot of times when they out themselves they you know they’ll admit like hey I acted out with a neighbor or I was sexually abused as a child or they they’ll they’ll out it and they’ll say it and the group is like we love you it’s okay so glad you shared me too I’m so glad and they’re like I’ve carried this for 35 years like I’ve I’ve run from this inside myself yeah this has been this thing that has just in so many ways destroyed me And yet when I come out with it it’s really anticlimactic about all the fears of rejection and abandonment and all those things and it’s just met with like some love like and you you can see in this example right they’re running they’re averting they’re hiding they’re numbing because they’re scared to turn and face it and when they they come to a group and they turn and they face this difficult thing um and they actually have the courage to say it out loud to look at people in the eye and deal with it relief peace um love starts to happen for them um and all the stories that they had learned from the shame for the all those years starts to go away but they have to turn and embrace the discomfort in order to get that payout they have to and as long as they keep running and running and running they’re going to keep numbing and numbing and numbing that’s that’s exactly right and and that takes awareness and intention and a willingness to and and sometimes the development of some skills to then turn back in and face the discomfort that is there when you actually face it there’s discomfort when a guy comes to group he’s been sitting on it all week he knows he’s going to present this thing he’s finally going to speak it out loud there’s all sorts of discomfort inside of that yep and then there’s the discomfort of having let it go into that universe and go like I don’t know what’s going to happen vulnerability hangover and then if it goes well it gets held if it doesn’t go well that makes it even harder but either way then that guy has to leave that group and get in his car and sit down in his car and turn on the engine and go what did I just say I know like oh my gosh did I really just do that like so there’s this vulnerability hangover that comes afterwards the discomfort of having to sit with that and and kind of Rectify yourself saying man like I did do that I did say those things and and the truth is is that’s part of my history and I it’s it is what it is um there’s discomfort in all of that so so so there’s a reason why we’re trying to avoid it but if you do that that’s how you grow and that’s how that’s how you suffer less that’s how you take what was a 20 or 30 years secret that was eating you alive from the inside out and you wake up after you’ve started to come to owning this you wake up in the morning knowing that that’s a part of your history and learning how to not have shame around it and look yourself in the mirror and still like what you see and you can liberate yourself from that burden that you’ve been carrying for years y um but it’s through it it’s through the embracing of it yep the only way to the other side is through um you know Lan’s fa famous well quote that I love um the pathway out of hell is through misery and instead of um instead of facing the misery oftentimes we just choose to fall back into hell um and and that sucks like that sounds pretty hopeless that’s like a pathway out of hell is through misery um but there’s a there’s a payout to it there’s this beautiful thing that happens that misery is what gives you your wisdom um it informs your purpose in life it helps you understand a deeper level of self and who you truly are and so there’s huge opportunity in dealing with the pain dealing with the misery that gives you Enlightenment that gives you peace that gives you so many things and so the misery is actually awesome the pain is actually a blessing in so many ways I’d say the pain and the misery is like the flame and the Lessons Learned is like the gold that gets sort of purified through it oh man look at you pull that analogy out yeah I don’t I don’t know that most people are going to wake up and be like how can I how can I be in misery today and yet if people understood that principle and we able to see it that way they might choose it more often because they start to recognize that there is an actual payoff especially when it’s treated with the right mindset right so right well I and I think you the thing you just said right there Tyler is awesome is when somebody can get to that point with that growth mindset of life like like I’m talking about growth mindset to the furthest degree um then you become so open to Life’s experiences and you become so resilient to um to to to life really you’re not going to suffer because you literally are excited to see what comes next you’re excited to learn you’re excited to grow um when the hard thing happens it’s like opportunity this is amazing I want this um and you can actually truly get there I know people that live that way and it’s it’s incredible yep yeah it’s hard it’s hard to find people that live that way consistently but those that do are the ones that you sort of gravitate to they’re also the ones that have really amazing stories they have amazing Stories they’ve created amazing things um yeah they have amazing Stories because they’ve been living in the ring yeah they get in there and they they they actually create life experience that’s fascinating to hear and learn from yeah um they’re not afraid yeah so um Tyler it’s it’s it’s kind of a miracle that we’ve got gotten through this whole episode and haven’t brought up cold plunging um I think I I think I actually did say it at one point I know people get sick of it because we both of us talk about it all the time all the time um so we’re not GNA like flush that out here I think they get it they get it they they’re already cringing waiting for you to explain all the benefits again I’m not gonna do it but um yeah just another way to embrace the [Laughter] suck wait a way to slide that in there yeah so um Brandon why don’t you tell them I know that you just barely started and I know it’s you’re only leaving it open for a couple more weeks tell them about your the men’s group that you just started yeah um it is open for like three more weeks um it’s uh it’s the healing Journey so all of the content that Tyler and I have put together um it the journey is on so I only open a group up about about once a year um this journey we we go we step into we embrace the suck um but we also learn deep truths about yourself um we cross thresholds we uh it’s recovery on the deepest levels and um it’s awesome so if you want to check it out I think you can find it at the Brandon Patrick show.com um there’s a link there to the healing journey and um you can you can apply there and again it’s only open for the next 3 weeks uh we actually started it last week but it’s open for about a month and then it closes so please come join me it’s it’s a journey and it uh it’s awesome yeah so yeah if you’re ready to embrace the suck in a really really good way that’s the way to do it yeah so um thank you for being with us hopefully this is Meaningful hopefully it’s helpful for those of you listening whatever’s in front of you that you know is in front of you that’s going to be uncomfortable that you need to face you’re going to learn more and suffer less if you step into it today and uh until next time you guys keep on keeping on